Well well well... it seems that Faculty King's gay. KP's straight. And there's another gay among the UKM med students who took the first move to add me on Facebook. Let's call him Jacob. It doesn't take a genius to guess his intention, which was to see more of my pics to confirm my sexual preference. Yet, I was really shocked that he's gay. I mean, I wasn't even suspicious that he's gay. Now I know what the word 'straight-acting' means. On a closer look, he's kinda cute too.
To make matters worse, Dr. D told them I'm gay. Felt a bit betrayed as initially I thought he was on my side. And the fact that he told him I had a crush on them totally drove me crazy as that's not totally true and it made me sound like a desperate whore.
It seems that I'm not the only one with a functional gaydar. Should have been more cautious.
According to Dr. D, the duo were 99% sure I was gay before he revealed to them that I was. I was wondering if I was so obviously gay.
They're flying back to Malaysia in two days' time. Hopefully, I won't bump into them by then as I know I will feel extremely embarassed.
In the meantime, I feel sorry for the girls. Ahaks.
Thursday, April 29, 2010
Tuesday, April 27, 2010
Elective posting: Day 2
I feel very previledged for having the opportunity to meet Dr. Shitsumiji, a consultant cardiologist from Osaka, Japan who came here to perform several live demonstrations on percutaneous coronary intervention (PCI).
I had a great liking for him. I guess my preference for gay Japanese pornography can explain that. He's quite handsome for his age. I didn't know one could be a consultant at such a young age. I'm very impressed by his professionalism and the confidence he exudes. We even took a picture with him.
I noticed that the specialists or consultants here are very friendly and humble in comparison to those in Malaysia. The specialists in our teaching hospital back in Malaysia tend to overlook our presence. Many of them don't bother much about us and they only teach us only when they're in the mood. Thus, we really have to stand on our own feet.
I saw KP during lunch time. He came to my table by mistake. My heart fibrillated a bit. I hope he didn't notice that I was staring at him. Ahaks. And Faculty King's back was facing me. Well, Dr. D has already suggested that I add Faculty King on Facebook after reading my previous post. It seems that Faculty King is kinda popular among the gay med students in KL too. But, I've ignored the request to avoid unnecessary embarassment.
Yet, I wonder if Faculty King is gay because two of our mutual friends on Facebook are gay. Is that confirmatory of his sexuality?
I had a great liking for him. I guess my preference for gay Japanese pornography can explain that. He's quite handsome for his age. I didn't know one could be a consultant at such a young age. I'm very impressed by his professionalism and the confidence he exudes. We even took a picture with him.
I noticed that the specialists or consultants here are very friendly and humble in comparison to those in Malaysia. The specialists in our teaching hospital back in Malaysia tend to overlook our presence. Many of them don't bother much about us and they only teach us only when they're in the mood. Thus, we really have to stand on our own feet.
I saw KP during lunch time. He came to my table by mistake. My heart fibrillated a bit. I hope he didn't notice that I was staring at him. Ahaks. And Faculty King's back was facing me. Well, Dr. D has already suggested that I add Faculty King on Facebook after reading my previous post. It seems that Faculty King is kinda popular among the gay med students in KL too. But, I've ignored the request to avoid unnecessary embarassment.
Yet, I wonder if Faculty King is gay because two of our mutual friends on Facebook are gay. Is that confirmatory of his sexuality?
Monday, April 26, 2010
Eye candies!
Today is the first day of my elective posting in Taiwan. There's a group of UKM medical students here too. They're a year my junior.
2 of the guys are damn hot. One of them is even the faculty king. A female colleague of mine is already drooling profusely. I can see the desperation in her eyes.
Well, I guess I'm just like her.
I'll spend my first week here in the Cardiology department. Hope I'll learn something useful apart from ogling at the cute Taiwanese guys here.
I desperately hope that I'll have the opportunity to get acquainted to the faculty king and the other equally cute guy named Winson.
2 of the guys are damn hot. One of them is even the faculty king. A female colleague of mine is already drooling profusely. I can see the desperation in her eyes.
Well, I guess I'm just like her.
I'll spend my first week here in the Cardiology department. Hope I'll learn something useful apart from ogling at the cute Taiwanese guys here.
I desperately hope that I'll have the opportunity to get acquainted to the faculty king and the other equally cute guy named Winson.
Sunday, March 28, 2010
What a relief
He was cachexic. I thought he was having some sort of malignancy.
The veins in his antecubital fossa were big and fat and looked as if they would burst at any time. I held the syringe with great confidence and as the needle sank into one of the veins, my course-mate, Lady Yong, shrieked," Darren, be careful! RVD (retroviral disease) positive!"
I panicked. My hands trembled a little and blood was oozing out from the puncture site. And the horrifying thing was, I could see blood on my left hand and I wasn't wearing gloves.
I finished the blood-taking within the next 10 seconds and rushed to wash my hands thoroughly and checked every inch of my hands for any minute wound through which the human immunodeficiency virus could have gained entry into my bloodstream.
I flipped thorough his case notes and was extremely petrified to discover he's immunocompromised. I took a detailed history from him after washing my hands for like 10 times. On physical examination, he had oral thrush (a common opportunistic infection in the immunocrompromized) and enlarged liver and spleen. His lungs were bad, with crepitations all over. They thought he was having miliary tuberculosis or Pneumocystis jiroveci pneumonia. I prayed hard that the doctors were all wrong. Nevertheless, to my horror, his HIV test result came back positive a few days later.
There was no needle-stick injury. Even if there was, the chances of my getting infected would not exceed 1 % as the viral load was too low. Yet, for the past 1 year, I couldn't help feeling anxious and having the hypochondriatic delusion that I was HIV-positive despite the evidence to the contrary. Every time someone talked about AIDS or HIV, I became restless and catastrophized whatever thoughts that came to my mind. Isn't it devastating to know that you might be HIV-positive before you really get the chance to have sex in your life?
However, now, I can proudly announce my HIV status as the test result came back negative a few days back. It's part of the medical check-up required by the university in which I'll spend one month doing my elective posting in May.
Lessons learnt: Never take blood without wearing gloves. And never fuck without a condom.
Fact: Hepatitis B virus is 100 times more infective than HIV.
The veins in his antecubital fossa were big and fat and looked as if they would burst at any time. I held the syringe with great confidence and as the needle sank into one of the veins, my course-mate, Lady Yong, shrieked," Darren, be careful! RVD (retroviral disease) positive!"
I panicked. My hands trembled a little and blood was oozing out from the puncture site. And the horrifying thing was, I could see blood on my left hand and I wasn't wearing gloves.
I finished the blood-taking within the next 10 seconds and rushed to wash my hands thoroughly and checked every inch of my hands for any minute wound through which the human immunodeficiency virus could have gained entry into my bloodstream.
I flipped thorough his case notes and was extremely petrified to discover he's immunocompromised. I took a detailed history from him after washing my hands for like 10 times. On physical examination, he had oral thrush (a common opportunistic infection in the immunocrompromized) and enlarged liver and spleen. His lungs were bad, with crepitations all over. They thought he was having miliary tuberculosis or Pneumocystis jiroveci pneumonia. I prayed hard that the doctors were all wrong. Nevertheless, to my horror, his HIV test result came back positive a few days later.
There was no needle-stick injury. Even if there was, the chances of my getting infected would not exceed 1 % as the viral load was too low. Yet, for the past 1 year, I couldn't help feeling anxious and having the hypochondriatic delusion that I was HIV-positive despite the evidence to the contrary. Every time someone talked about AIDS or HIV, I became restless and catastrophized whatever thoughts that came to my mind. Isn't it devastating to know that you might be HIV-positive before you really get the chance to have sex in your life?
However, now, I can proudly announce my HIV status as the test result came back negative a few days back. It's part of the medical check-up required by the university in which I'll spend one month doing my elective posting in May.
Lessons learnt: Never take blood without wearing gloves. And never fuck without a condom.
Fact: Hepatitis B virus is 100 times more infective than HIV.
Wednesday, March 24, 2010
The kids
Medicine has always been thrilling to me, be it internal medicine or paediatrics.
However, in internal medicine, almost half of the patients in the ward are there due to self-inflicted damages. You see people with chronic obstructive pulmonary disease due to chronic smoking. Chronic liver disease due to alcoholism. Uncontrolled type 2 diabetes mellitus. Sexually transmitted infections. AIDS.
However, in paediatrics, the picture is rather different. Stanley had biliary atresia and his liver is now cirrhotic although surgery had been done. For some reason, his mother refused to let Stanley undergo liver transplant though she knew that's the only option available to increase the lifespan of Stanley and without which his liver would definitely fail. She spoke to me so nonchalantly which reflected her courage and readiness for whatever that might come. I turned to look at Stanley. He shot a handsome smile as if he had lived his life to its fullest and didn't seem to be afraid of death.
There's another adorable girl with end-stage renal failure secondary to late cresenteric glomerulonephritis. The puffy girl with lupus nephritis who looked so depressed as a result of long-term steroid therapy. The constantly centrally cyanotic girl with pulmonary atresia whose mother declined to have her heart lesions surgically corrected.
The children are deprived of so many things in life that I've taken for granted. I don't know how they cope with their illnesses as such a tender age. It's sorta saddening to look at their angelical faces under which lie the suffering and torment only their mothers can understand.
However, in internal medicine, almost half of the patients in the ward are there due to self-inflicted damages. You see people with chronic obstructive pulmonary disease due to chronic smoking. Chronic liver disease due to alcoholism. Uncontrolled type 2 diabetes mellitus. Sexually transmitted infections. AIDS.
However, in paediatrics, the picture is rather different. Stanley had biliary atresia and his liver is now cirrhotic although surgery had been done. For some reason, his mother refused to let Stanley undergo liver transplant though she knew that's the only option available to increase the lifespan of Stanley and without which his liver would definitely fail. She spoke to me so nonchalantly which reflected her courage and readiness for whatever that might come. I turned to look at Stanley. He shot a handsome smile as if he had lived his life to its fullest and didn't seem to be afraid of death.
There's another adorable girl with end-stage renal failure secondary to late cresenteric glomerulonephritis. The puffy girl with lupus nephritis who looked so depressed as a result of long-term steroid therapy. The constantly centrally cyanotic girl with pulmonary atresia whose mother declined to have her heart lesions surgically corrected.
The children are deprived of so many things in life that I've taken for granted. I don't know how they cope with their illnesses as such a tender age. It's sorta saddening to look at their angelical faces under which lie the suffering and torment only their mothers can understand.
Monday, March 8, 2010
Paeds
" So, you've come to the final rotation. I want you guys to make every endeavour to pass. For your information, it's the posting with the highest failure rate. In case you fail, you might not have the opportunity to resit the exam and this means you'll be be retained for a year."
That's what the posting coordinator said when we met her on the first day of Paediatrics Posting. And since then, I've been under tremendous stress.
The consultants really do expect a lot from us. Besides, the medical officers in the ward are ferocious. They may look very kind when playing peekaboo with the kids. But, you don't know when they're going to snarl and bark at you and ask you questions that make you feel as if you've not learnt anything in the past 4 years. I guess I have to thank them for showing us the discrepancy between the level we're at and the level which we should achieve.
Now, I realize I shouldn't have sniggered at my roommate when he was studying day and night like a bookworm when he's in Paeds.
I'm tense. And I still miss Caleb once in a while.
That's what the posting coordinator said when we met her on the first day of Paediatrics Posting. And since then, I've been under tremendous stress.
The consultants really do expect a lot from us. Besides, the medical officers in the ward are ferocious. They may look very kind when playing peekaboo with the kids. But, you don't know when they're going to snarl and bark at you and ask you questions that make you feel as if you've not learnt anything in the past 4 years. I guess I have to thank them for showing us the discrepancy between the level we're at and the level which we should achieve.
Now, I realize I shouldn't have sniggered at my roommate when he was studying day and night like a bookworm when he's in Paeds.
I'm tense. And I still miss Caleb once in a while.
Saturday, February 27, 2010
Hanging out with Caleb
I decided to come out to Dan two days ago after months of deliberation.
The much coveted chance of hanging out with Caleb finally came yesterday. I was so elated. Of course, Dan was with us too. In fact, Dan's the one who planned the whole thing and asked me out. So, apparently, he had no trouble accepting the truth about my sexual preference.
Caleb's startling talkativeness was similar to the pressure of speech noted the patients with bipolar mood disorder in manic phase in the ward. I didn't know he could be so talkative. He asked me a lot questions. And I could hardly keep up with his tempo while admiring the mesmerizing beauty of this smile. Well, is that a sign that we've known each other better and become closer?
Caleb’s cute. He’s brainy, lean and almost as tall as I am. He was very nicely dressed yesterday which made me even more ecstatic. Pink T-shirt. Nice jeans. A pair of Adidas shoes. Oh, did I mention I once saw Caleb topless from afar by accident? Haha. Scrumptious!
I did come clean to Dan about my liking for Caleb. He warned me that I might be disappointed.
I know how heart-wrenching it is to confess your love to a straight guy only to be brutally rejected. My past experiences have taught me well. At times, I don’t understand why I’d squander my time on falling for straight guys while I have a list of potential gay guys to choose from.
I don’t want to invest hope in something that’s unattainable. It’s exhausting and in the end, no one will get hurt but me.
Caleb, I like you.
Let this just be an infatuation that will dwindle into nothing with the passing of time. I’m penning this down so that I can have something sweet to reminisce and to laugh at when I'm grappling with osteoarthritis as my hair turns white.
The much coveted chance of hanging out with Caleb finally came yesterday. I was so elated. Of course, Dan was with us too. In fact, Dan's the one who planned the whole thing and asked me out. So, apparently, he had no trouble accepting the truth about my sexual preference.
Caleb's startling talkativeness was similar to the pressure of speech noted the patients with bipolar mood disorder in manic phase in the ward. I didn't know he could be so talkative. He asked me a lot questions. And I could hardly keep up with his tempo while admiring the mesmerizing beauty of this smile. Well, is that a sign that we've known each other better and become closer?
Caleb’s cute. He’s brainy, lean and almost as tall as I am. He was very nicely dressed yesterday which made me even more ecstatic. Pink T-shirt. Nice jeans. A pair of Adidas shoes. Oh, did I mention I once saw Caleb topless from afar by accident? Haha. Scrumptious!
I did come clean to Dan about my liking for Caleb. He warned me that I might be disappointed.
I know how heart-wrenching it is to confess your love to a straight guy only to be brutally rejected. My past experiences have taught me well. At times, I don’t understand why I’d squander my time on falling for straight guys while I have a list of potential gay guys to choose from.
I don’t want to invest hope in something that’s unattainable. It’s exhausting and in the end, no one will get hurt but me.
Caleb, I like you.
Let this just be an infatuation that will dwindle into nothing with the passing of time. I’m penning this down so that I can have something sweet to reminisce and to laugh at when I'm grappling with osteoarthritis as my hair turns white.
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