Obstacles

I always count my blessings for having come across a few charismatic clinicians who impress us immensely with their knowledge and professionalism. Even the way they talk and walk is enough to make me idolize them.

They're always willing to teach even though it's not their duty. They get their points across eloquently in impeccable English and in a way that can hold you spellbound. I emulate them. I tell myself I want to soar like an eagle and be as good as them in future. Sad to say, they're a rare species.

I'm not happy with the hostility displayed by certain doctors. They say things like ' You're not allowed to follow my ward round unless I get a formal letter of permission from your uni ', with a I'm-not-paid-to-teach-you-so-why-should-i? look on their faces. In Malaysia, medical education is under the Ministry of Higher Education, whereas the staff in government hospitals are under the Ministry of Health. Hence, theoretically speaking, they're not responsible for teaching us. Yet, I don't know why they have to be so mean even though we've really humbled ourselves.

I'm not sure if my counterparts in other local universities are facing the same predicament, which certainly poses a great deal of inconvenience to us. There're many limitations which hinder us from learning. This is extremely depressing.

I wish I were outstanding enough to be granted the PSD scholarship. Damn. Why didn't I score an A1 in Chinese? That'd have made me a more eligible applicant. I seethe with jealousy and frustration whenever I see how well some of my brilliant friends are doing abroad. Asking my parents to fork out a substantial amount of their savings to finance my medical education in a private institution just doesn't seem to be a humane thing to do. Consequently, I ended up being somewhere I didn't really like. A place so sparsely populated by gays that I've become unbelievably desperate over the years. A place with many more imperfections which I can't list down here one by one.

Well, there're many things in life which you just have to live with without complaints, mainly because you're given a Hobson's choice.

I'm worried of how graduates from other prestigious universities will look at us when we embark on our medical profession in future. Despite the defective system I'm in, I hope that the discrepancy in terms of quality will not be too obvious.

Guess what I can do now is to optimally utilize whatever I have, see as many patients as I can and study as much as possible. I've got to to stop complaining, relegate thoughts that do me no good to the back of my mind and appreciate what God has bestowed upon me. I always tell myself everything happens for a reason. A defensive mechanism which invariably makes me feel better.

I'll try not to kill after graduation next April.=)