Sorry

I did something that I seriously regret now. I should NOT have revealed his sexual preference to some stranger without obtaining his permission.

I came clean to him with what I'd done and it seems he's offended.

I just started to get along well with him and I really don't wish that my mistake would hinder our platonic friendship from blossoming.

I feel stupid for what I did. I would have been enraged if I were him.

Dude, I'm really sorry. I cannot undo what I've done. I hope you can forgive me.

Liver metastasis

The consultant gastroenterologist asked me to clerk a patient with metastatic liver cancer and I'm supposed to present the case during the morning meeting tomorrow.

Based on the history, I guess the primary site of malignancy is the colon. Which means he's probably having colorectal cancer which had metastasized to the liver. When this happens, the treatment is almost always palliative. The prognosis is bad. Textbooks say these patients don't survive more than 6 months.

The liver ultrasound scan revealed bull eye's sign. When I palpated his huge liver, I could feel a nodular surface. These are suggestive of secondary spread.

I sympathize with the family members. I really do. I don't think they know the gravity of the situation yet. I don't think they get me when I'm asking them about other symptoms of spread to other organs which don't seem to be associated to his chief complaint. However, I'm not in the position to tell them the truth.

I'll try my best to present tomorrow and may you be strong, uncle.

I still get emotionally affected whenever I see him online and on Facebook.

God, please let me encounter someone whom I like and who likes me too.

It's pretty obvious that I'm only sexually attracted to him. There's no emotional component involved.

Maybe, he's not really my type. Maybe, I'm being blinded by lust and desperation. Maybe, it's not his soul that I like.

Perhaps, this is just a defense mechanism of mine to make myself feel better. But, whatever it is, time is all that's needed to to wipe away anything that's unhappy.

Cheer up, Darren! Get over him. It's not like no one's into you. Be less choosy. Someone better is waiting for you in the near future.

I finally got the guts to strike up a conversation wit Jacob on Facebook yesterday. I took a great deal of courage to do that.

But, it seems he's easier to approach than I iniatially thought. I'm glad we're cool and are on talking terms.

It's nice knowing him. Despite the fact we aren't mutually interested in each other, I don't think I should continue dwelling on self-pity and forgo the chance of befriending him.

Well, people get rejected all the time. So what if someone I like doesn't like me? Life still moves on and I am sure I'll have a crush on someone else in no time.

Cheer up, J. You deserve better. =)

Somehow, Jacob knew I was into him, I guess.

It seems I'm not his type. He asked Dan to convey the message to me. Dan comforted me and asked me not to feel bad.

I told him I was completely fine and it's no big deal.

However, I was lying. My heart ached. I felt so inferior and lonely all of a sudden. I didn't even have the mood to continue playing DotA.

But, life's like that. Most people don't always get what they want. And as for me, I never get what I want.

I'm nothing but a lovesick person with a fragile heart. Why do I always fall for guys who turn out to be straight or gay guys who never bother to take a second look at me?