Defeated

Meh! I wasn't really into him anyway. But, at least, I thought he was a potential boyfriend.

Everything seemed pretty fine until Frodo emerged out of nowhere and brilliantly intercepted all the vague and subtle hints I'd been sending to Ambrosius without my knowledge.

So, in the end, I was effortlessly exterminated. Like a soldier ambushed from behind and instantly shot to death. Painlessly.

I lost the game. To someone who looks prettier than me but has alopecia and is as tall as a hobbit.

Although my description of Frodo sounds a bit too pejorative with a mixture of jealousy and the smell of vengeance, I'm definitely not as vindictive as I might sound.

I was just filled with some sort of inexplicable desolation and animosity. Which I think is quite acceptable when someone you like chooses someone else instead of you. Maybe, I haven't garnered enough experiences in love to anticipate certain possibilities and to realize the importance of certain variables that will influence the outcome. And God must have been very compassionate to let me have a glimpse of the heartbreaks that usually accompany one thing in life that is never enough, which is love.

In future, if I ever fall for someone again, I will make my feelings clear and be assertive, which trumps shyly keeping all your feelings to yourself and not getting what you want in the end.

Lastly, I'd like to thank Lexxie for comforting me and telling me what I needed to hear. So sweet of him! :) And those mouth-watering biceps of his! Argh!

Nice to meet you, Wayne

I've been going out quite a lot with Wayne.

I don't know why I tend to get along better with guys who're already attached.

Maybe, the boundary is clearer. Being a natural advocate for monogamy, destroying a couple's relationship as a third party is an unforgivable sin I can never bring myself to commit. Well, perhaps, I've fantasized myself doing it, especially if the other party is hot and so my type. But, a fantasy is a fantasy.

And maybe, I feel less pressured too when hanging out with guys whose pants I have no intention to get into. I don't have to consciously extend my neck so that my double chins appear less apparent. I don't have to doll myself up to just to look impressive.

I like hanging out with Wayne despite the fact that he's got a loving boyfriend. I hope my benign invasion into their relationship will not result in any unwanted harm or damage.

After all, I just feel lonely. I wish I'd got to know him earlier. Not when I'm going to leave this place for good in a few months' time.

That being said, it doesn't mean that I'm going to invest any lesser in this friendship compared to the others.

Nice to meet you, Wayne!

By the way, Wayne is kinda hot and f-abs-bulous. :)

7 years

He was the first guy I felt deeply in love with. That was 7 years ago.

He played this song for me. I sat beside him. I secretly wished he would reciprocate my love.

And 7 years ago, I came out to him too.

7 years later

Same song

Same person

He's still straight.

The feelings are gone. But, we're still friends.

But, I still remember how I felt 7 years ago. And how my heart melted whenever he played that song for me while I sat silently beside him, watching his fingers dance gracefully on the keys.

Watching his debut video clip on YouTube makes me feel as though I'm revisiting a place where everything has changed except the scenery and surrounding environment. It also reminds me of the reasons for which I subconsciously fell for him.

去年今日此门中，
人面桃花相映红。 
人面不知何处去，
桃花依旧笑春风。

近水楼台先得月

I guess I've lost even before the game has started. 

My competitor is way too formidable. Even I almost fell for his ravishing beauty.

Never mind, Joey. Your chance will come. Be confident.

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I passed by Bangsar Village.

And I thought of him.

Sometimes, you wish you could undo certain things you've done. But, you just know it's impossible.