Housemen

Today, I accidentally dropped a few coins while paying for my breakfast. Just as I wanted to pick them up, Dr. A already had.

Dr. A is one of the few housemen I've Googled about. We met a few postings ago. And I can't really remember his name now. I have this habit of Googling about housemen or even consultants I find attractive, which you can definitely equate with stalking, but of a rather benign and harmless variety.

I've never really seen Dr. A smile. He's not one of those easily approachable housemen who'd take the first move to chat a med student up. 

Hence, I was pretty surprised by his kind gesture. I stood at the counter, momentarily stunned and swooning over him because of his chivalry. Chivalry? What an inappropriate word for me, as I guy, to use. Could this be an ambiguous hint of my previously undiagnosed bo**om-ness?

I wanted shoot him the most resplendent smile I was capable of to express my gratitude. Yet, I just couldn't bring my facial muscles to form a grin.

The other day, I was eating a muffin - one of my stress remedies - when my heartbeats suddenly became chaotic on seeing Dr. Cute saunter into the cafeteria. We sort of had an eye contact for less than 2 seconds in the ward earlier. I was alone. However, I'd purposely chosen a table enough for more than 2 persons, the reason of which needs no further explanation here, I suppose.

I tried to eat as slowly as I could and was beseechingly waiting for him to sit with me.

I began to panic when I saw him inch towards me. 

Nevertheless, it didn't take very long for a spasm of pain and disappointment to develop in me as he walked past me to join his colleagues.

I don't know how some guys are able to lure their victims into their shower stalls in the gym with just a blink. They make it sound as though it's a child's play. But for me, it never seems to work. Is this associated with Feng Shui? By any chance?

Rants of a lazy worm

I'm under a lot of stress. Allow me to write something childish.

My end-of-posting exam will be held next Monday. And here I am, still writing my case reports and slacking off.

I could have completed my assignments much earlier. That would give me more time to revise now. Yet, I procrastinated. I spent lots of time online, going for movies and hanging out with 2 gay friends whom I had just got acquainted to.

I really do emulate my female course-mates who always manage to finish their assignments way before the deadline. Arghh... what a lazy worm I am.

I read with envy and shock about how Little Dove was enticed into having sex by a medical officer in the ward. Alright. I admit I'm jealous. I was wondering why this sorta thing had never happened to me. I believe that I'm charming. So, what went wrong? Well, I don't mean to say that I have the craving for getting laid. It's morally bad and will wipe away all the karmic merits I've accrued over the years. =D

Nonetheless, whenever I see Dr Phuah passing by, the fantasy of grabbing his butt and banging him never fails to surface on my mind. Ahaks. Dr Phuah's cute and adorable. And his ass is tight, seriously. He's mainly in the medical ward. Yet, he comes to the orthopaedic ward occasionally. That's when I get to ogle at him. I noticed that there's nothing on his ring fingers and he smiled to me a couple of times. Oh my gosh, is that a sign?

No worries. I think I just feel lonely. I suppose I'm still very much a decent and down-to-earth kampung boy who has never been mistaken as a sexual pervert. I'll try to stay strong and not give in to lust.

Oh well, I think should be studying now. The orthopaedic surgeons are generally very friendly. Am keeping my fingers crossed that they'll be lenient and friendly during the exam too.

Adorable medical assistant

Despite having been away from civilization for only a month or so, I've begun to feel detached from the world I used to live in.

I feel sorta lonely at times, really. Yet, fortunately, my studies and the amount of case reports I have to submit by the end of the posting do keep me almost constantly busy and from spiraling downwards into melancholy.

For some reason, I'm at loggerheads with my group leader. I've never liked him since 1st year. And the fact he scolded CH and I for something trivial we did which, in his opinion, was wrong, just made matters worse.

It's not easy to make real friends who're genuinely nice to you in med school. Friends who'd cook porridge for you when you're sick. Studying and excelling in examinations are everyone's priorities. They're not to blame because everyone, including me, fears the consequences of failing a paper. There's a lot of competition and kiasu-ism is rampant.

Sometimes, I'm just tired. Sometimes, I wish I could have someone to fall back on. Someone to love. And a pair of strong arms to wrap around me. However, I know I can only dream for now.

By the way, there's a fucking adorable medical assistant in the A&E department that I thought was obviously gay.

Him: Dr. E and F (a couple) are going to HK for vacation. Air tickets are cheap.

Me: Oh ya? So nice.

Him: When's your holiday? I was hoping that I could go with you. You can speak Mandarin and this will definitely make things easier.

Me: ....

Him: Eh, what's your number ah?

Opps. Do I look that gay? =) Ahaks. Nah. Of course not. I think it's just that his gaydar is too sophisticated.

I did give him my number, though we barely even know each other. Not because I'm slutty k? It'd be too impolite of me had I refused, don't you think so?

We'll see. Heh.

Rejected

AZ called me that night.

AZ: I think I found your air-steward.

Joe: Oh really? How?

AZ: In my Friendster list. I didn't know he'd been there all the while. The one who looks Chinese, right?

Joe: Yeah yeah... Give me his ID. Quick!

AZ: I'll sms it you.

Joe: Wait...you're telling me he's in your Friendster list 2 months after I asked you to help me locate him?

AZ: Err...


Ever since the interesting encounter I had with Emmet, the charming air-steward, I'd always coveted the chance to befriend him or perhaps just meet him again. I thought it's pretty memorable. That's the first time in my life I knew my gaydar was functioning. The very first time a male stranger flirted with me non-orally... oh ..erm...I mean, non-verbally and made me feel attractive.

Thanks to AZ, I finally got his profile. My blood pressure shot up to 200 mm Hg when I recognized the guy on the screen and exclaimed, "That's him!"

I still remember the powerful energy which travelled in rhythmic waves from his eyes to mine, and vice-versa. I remember his angelic, radiant smile, which made my heart bloom with lust and joy. The gentle touch of his palm on my left shoulder, which made me fly. And his voice, which had a magical quality to it, that sent charges of electricity into me.

Yet, what shatters my heart now is that the message I sent him remains unreplied. It simply means he's not interested, doesn't it? I must have sounded a little too inappropriate when I wrote the message, during which I was blinded by excitement and elation, I suppose.

All of a sudden, I begin to doubt if our eye contact was merely a fantasy and his touch on my shoulder a tactile hallucination of mine. Perhaps, he smiled simply because he had too. Perhaps, I was really hallucinating. Perhaps, he's not even gay.

AZ asked me to forget about him. And I'm going to act upon his suggestion.

Why does everyone seem to have his own Prince Charming (especially one with a hot bod) to write about? Why? Sometimes, I really do wish I had one too. Really.

Lately..

I’ve been busy lately, which explains why I’ve not been blogging much.

I’m currently attached to a general practice clinic. Basically one of those ubiquitous clinics run by medical practitioners you commonly see. General practice focuses on primary health care. The environment and management of diseases are completely different from those in the hospital.

Well, I find my attachment a tad too boring. Not many patients. I did come across patients with rhonchi (wheezes) in the lungs and had the chance to advise an extremely obese chap whose weight exceeded 125 kg on diet control and exercise. Yet, the excitement I’m experiencing is much less in comparison to that in medicine posting. Besides, of the doctors at the clinic is a racist. And I’ve been victimized for the past one week. Racism is ugly and scary, don’t you think so?

Apart from that, I’ve been feeling very dumb of late, principally because of laziness. I’ve been slacking off. I seem to have lost the diligent and industrious part of me in the pre-clinical years. Still in the CNY mood, perhaps.

Tiredness didn’t stop me from meeting AZ a few days back. An adorable and chatty young pilot. He happened to be in KK for work purposes. We decided to meet for the first time. I initially enlisted his help in getting the contact number of a hot air-steward I saw on a flight last November. Befriending the hot air-steward (probably gay) now seems to be a fantasy that’ll not materialize. Yet, AZ and I have become friends instead. Heh.

Thanks for the lunch and coffee, mate. Look forward to seeing you again.

Klang Boy

I chanced upon him in a school program a few days back. Several months after I first saw him during the orientation week.

Standing aside like a ravenous beast waiting to pounce on its prey, my eyes greedily appraised him as instructed by my subconscious mind. He hadn’t changed much. Outspoken and outgoing. Crew cut. Fair complexion. The breathtakingly beautiful smile he occasionally flashed made him very handsome. He still walked and talked with the assurance of someone who thought of himself as indomitable or good-looking. He exuded a sort of confidence that might be misconstrued as arrogance or complacency. Nevertheless, to me, it’s a magical force that attracted me. He still looked like one of those recalcitrant high school kids who’d play truant and bring girlie magazine to class. Mischievously cute, I’d say.

During the program, our eyes did meet, for a second or so. His sensual eyes widened with mystification and curiosity. I got nervous and shy and instantly looked in another direction. He must have noticed I was ogling at him. Perhaps, I could have been too conspicuous.

To date, I don’t know what his full name is. Neither have I had a conversation with him. The fact that I always become very shy in the presence of someone I like really irks me. I only know that he’s my junior. The Klang boy whom I used to be infatuated with. The formidably intelligent guy who aspired to become an actuary but was accepted into med school by a twist of fate.

Anyway, I don’t think he’s gay.

Bumping into Klang Boy has ignited the sparks of desires and desperation in me which I’ve been subconsciously making an effort to suppress.

I’ve always clung on to the belief that love will show up, sooner or later, or when least expected. Yet, sometimes, the interminable wait can be utterly frustrating and painfully boring. I don’t know how far I can take before I do things desperate gays would. Hehe.

A smile so seductive

He smiled to me. A smile so enchanting and alluring.

Inexplicably, I could tell he liked me.

I could tell, based on my gay instincts and from his gestures, that he’s gay.

I could tell, based on my intuitions, that it wasn’t a simple smile. But a smile blazing with seduction.

Many a time, our eyes met. It sent flickers of electricity through my entire body. I wanted to get to know him but was too timid and shy. I always looked at him, gave him an equally seductive smile and promptly looked away because I was too shy.

Well, he’s an air-steward on board my flight from KL to X. Very handsome and adorable.

I sat on an aisle seat. He intentionally touched my shoulder once when he passed by. I knew immediately that that’s nothing but a signal that he’s interested in me.

My intention was pure. I just wanted to befriend him. Somehow, this couldn’t explain the sustained erection I had.

We’re apparently interested in each other. I was waiting for him to take the first move and give me his number. Sad to say, he wasn’t bold enough to approach me too. Consequently, in the end, nothing happened.

I really regret for not being proactive enough.

I’ve tried to search for him on Friendster and Facebook but to no avail. I really do regret now. I’m not going to repeat the mistake, if I ever get to see him again.

Nevertheless, at least now I know I can attract people even with my hair unwaxed and when I wear glasses. =)

As he saunters through the ward

Joe: You just came?
Dr. Ed: Yup. First day. First posting. Completely lost.

There came a new houseman in the male medical ward. And there’s one thing about him that arrests my attention.

He’s always smiling from ear to ear. I don’t know why. He’s just being over-friendly, I guess. He smiles to everyone – his colleagues, the physicians, the nurses, the patients and even to ME. He glows with radiance as he saunters through the crowded ward in his spotless white coat and a stethoscope around his neck. He exudes a positive vibe that attracts people around him.

I find myself sneaking surreptitious glances at him. He looks rich. Must have graduated from IMU or PMC (Penang Medical College). He’s always kept busy by doing admission clerking, blood-taking, taking orders from MOs and toeing the line. I can sense he’s a bit lost at times. And I particularly like the helpless look on his face which is similar to that of a little boy who gets lost in a huge mall. It makes me feel like protecting him, analogous to what a hen would do when a ferocious eagle dives from the sky to prey on her chicks.

---

It’s now the second week of medicine posting. I was unfortunately selected as the group leader. Very burdensome indeed. Classes never seem to go according to the timetable. The physicians are super-busy. A lot of precious time and money are wasted on calling and waiting in the clinic to negotiate with the consultants and re-schedule whatever that needs to be re-scheduled. Consequently, my phone is always low on credit.

By the way, some of the clinicians here are really awesome. They inspire us with their professionalism. They hold us spellbound with their superb examinations skills that take decades to be polished to perfection. During each ward round, there’ll be junior doctors, nurses and last but not least, nosy and thoroughly impressed medical students tagging along. Like a convoy. Looks very grand.

Many a time, I wonder when I can be that impressive.