I'm exhausted. Really.
The exam is drawing near.
....
Sometimes, things don't happen to way they should be.
Sometimes, people aren't like whom you used to think they were anymore. Very disheartening.
People are unpredictable. Things are unforseeable.
....
And I've gained weight, evidenced by the noticeable accumulation of fat pads on my cheeks. Something wrong that happens at the wrong time.
....
I feel inferior. Intimidated. Disillusioned. And afraid....of the unknown. Of what lies ahead of me.
At the end of the day, the realization that all I have is myself dawns on me. And the only option I have, is to persevere....with tenacity.... no matter what happens.
Wednesday, October 22, 2008
Sunday, October 12, 2008
About someone who just turned 28
It was a typical night back in May 2008. We met in a restaurant in Old Klang Road.
“ Haha. Now I know why you like to hold your camera in that manner when you’re cam-whoring. It certainly has a slimming effect on you,” he stated. An absolutely honest and candid comment, I’d say. But definitely not something you’d like to hear when you meet someone for the first time.
I flinched a little and stared at the guy half my size and 10 cm shorter than me in blatant disbelief in response to his statement.
Anyway, I wasn’t annoyed. In fact, I appreciated him for his veracity and truthfulness. I was very pleased and honoured to be able to finally meet William after months of sms-ing each other.
I’ve been making friends on the cyberspace for centuries. William is one of the very few who leave footprints on my heart and are willing to listen to the trifles and trivialities in my everyday life. It warms my heart that he always patiently listen to my exaggerated stories and descriptions as well as the ‘oohs’ and ‘aahs’ of the cute guys in I see every day. I guess it gets a little boring sometimes but he never complains. He’s more than just a virtual internet friend. He’s a nice person. He cheers me up me when I’m down, when I'm demoralized, when the guy I’m infatuated with likes someone else, when I extremely stressed or when I feel lonely and need to sms someone.
He might not look appetizing or alluring enough to stun and woo my simple mind which is saturated with impurities and easily gives in to temptations. He might not have a husky voice on the phone which arouses me. Yet, he’s someone I’d really love to hang out with during the weekends, had we got the opportunity. He’s one of the several people whom I’d reflexively think of if someone asks me who my good friends are.
Our relationship is completely placid. And hopefully, it’ll continue to flourish and its progress unhindered by the distance between us. Happy belated birthday, Gor. Hope you like the present I posted you.=) May happiness always be with you and the love between you and KH be an eternity.
“ Haha. Now I know why you like to hold your camera in that manner when you’re cam-whoring. It certainly has a slimming effect on you,” he stated. An absolutely honest and candid comment, I’d say. But definitely not something you’d like to hear when you meet someone for the first time.
I flinched a little and stared at the guy half my size and 10 cm shorter than me in blatant disbelief in response to his statement.
Anyway, I wasn’t annoyed. In fact, I appreciated him for his veracity and truthfulness. I was very pleased and honoured to be able to finally meet William after months of sms-ing each other.
I’ve been making friends on the cyberspace for centuries. William is one of the very few who leave footprints on my heart and are willing to listen to the trifles and trivialities in my everyday life. It warms my heart that he always patiently listen to my exaggerated stories and descriptions as well as the ‘oohs’ and ‘aahs’ of the cute guys in I see every day. I guess it gets a little boring sometimes but he never complains. He’s more than just a virtual internet friend. He’s a nice person. He cheers me up me when I’m down, when I'm demoralized, when the guy I’m infatuated with likes someone else, when I extremely stressed or when I feel lonely and need to sms someone.
He might not look appetizing or alluring enough to stun and woo my simple mind which is saturated with impurities and easily gives in to temptations. He might not have a husky voice on the phone which arouses me. Yet, he’s someone I’d really love to hang out with during the weekends, had we got the opportunity. He’s one of the several people whom I’d reflexively think of if someone asks me who my good friends are.
Our relationship is completely placid. And hopefully, it’ll continue to flourish and its progress unhindered by the distance between us. Happy belated birthday, Gor. Hope you like the present I posted you.=) May happiness always be with you and the love between you and KH be an eternity.
Sunday, October 5, 2008
Another fisherman
“ Encik, you kerja apa huh?”
“ Nelayan.”
Another fisherman. I was delighted upon hearing that. Very automatically, I started to picture the prominent exotic rectus abdominis muscles that’d be awaiting me the moment I exposed his chest and abdomen.
“ Boleh saya periksa sekejap?”
He gave me a tentative nod. And I proceeded to inspect his chest, palpate his apex beat and so on. I didn’t examine his abdomen (though I wanted to..hehe) as nothing in his history signified anything pathological in his gastrointestinal system. See, I don’t always lose my sanity and ethics when I encounter muscular patients. =)
---
I got an upper respiratory tract infection (URTI) but am recovering well from the sore throat, mild fever and temporary hoarseness of voice it gave me. It could be hospital-acquired. Not a punishment of being too hamsap, I hope. We usually go all out to examine patients with good and obvious signs, disregarding their disease status. They might be having unconfirmed pulmonary tuberculosis (TB), Hepatitis B infection or pneumonia. And personally, I rarely bother about taking the necessary safety precautions for they’re troublesome and time-consuming. Should have been more cautious.
---
Aaron has gone back to India. My cell phone has again sunk into an irritating silence. Aih.
I’m now alone in my room. Guess my roommates have gone out with their girlfriends. A bit lonely. How I wish there’s someone with whom I can share my joy, laughter and tears. Someone who cheers me up when I’m down. Someone who’s neither a fantasy, nor a figment of my imagination.
But…
Aih…
“ Nelayan.”
Another fisherman. I was delighted upon hearing that. Very automatically, I started to picture the prominent exotic rectus abdominis muscles that’d be awaiting me the moment I exposed his chest and abdomen.
“ Boleh saya periksa sekejap?”
He gave me a tentative nod. And I proceeded to inspect his chest, palpate his apex beat and so on. I didn’t examine his abdomen (though I wanted to..hehe) as nothing in his history signified anything pathological in his gastrointestinal system. See, I don’t always lose my sanity and ethics when I encounter muscular patients. =)
---
I got an upper respiratory tract infection (URTI) but am recovering well from the sore throat, mild fever and temporary hoarseness of voice it gave me. It could be hospital-acquired. Not a punishment of being too hamsap, I hope. We usually go all out to examine patients with good and obvious signs, disregarding their disease status. They might be having unconfirmed pulmonary tuberculosis (TB), Hepatitis B infection or pneumonia. And personally, I rarely bother about taking the necessary safety precautions for they’re troublesome and time-consuming. Should have been more cautious.
---
Aaron has gone back to India. My cell phone has again sunk into an irritating silence. Aih.
I’m now alone in my room. Guess my roommates have gone out with their girlfriends. A bit lonely. How I wish there’s someone with whom I can share my joy, laughter and tears. Someone who cheers me up when I’m down. Someone who’s neither a fantasy, nor a figment of my imagination.
But…
Aih…
Wednesday, October 1, 2008
Muscled
I'm fatigued and drained.
I carpool to the hospital with a friend. But still, it's tiring. And I wish the astronomical petrol price would go down a bit for it's placed a rather huge financial burden on me.
Otherwise, I’m having a great time in my medicine posting. Everyone in the ward seems to have a different and unique story to relate to you. Very interesting. Sufferers of acute pancreatitis will describe to you a very characteristic pain which radiates to the back from the epigastrium. Whereas, those afflicted with acute cholecystitis (inflammation of gallbladder) will give you a somewhat different account of pain.
Obtaining the history of illness from patients is something I find very fun and enjoyable. It’s more an art than a textbook sort of thing. It feels more like socializing. Nonetheless, presenting it to a specialist, during which I sometimes stammer and fluctuate between intense anticipation and fear, is a very different thing altogether.
I happened to examine a male patient with 6 packs yesterday. A fisherman. The marble contours of his perfectly muscled chest and abdomen were so dazzling that they sent my heart thudding erratically against my chest wall. His nipples, which I had a burning desire to lick, sent flickers of electricity through my body. But of course, I was self-disciplined enough to resist the temptation. I examined his abdomen twice on the pretext of confirming my clinical findings, indulging in every second of it. In actual fact, it was unnecessary. I was just being hamsap. Very unethical of me, right?
I carpool to the hospital with a friend. But still, it's tiring. And I wish the astronomical petrol price would go down a bit for it's placed a rather huge financial burden on me.
Otherwise, I’m having a great time in my medicine posting. Everyone in the ward seems to have a different and unique story to relate to you. Very interesting. Sufferers of acute pancreatitis will describe to you a very characteristic pain which radiates to the back from the epigastrium. Whereas, those afflicted with acute cholecystitis (inflammation of gallbladder) will give you a somewhat different account of pain.
Obtaining the history of illness from patients is something I find very fun and enjoyable. It’s more an art than a textbook sort of thing. It feels more like socializing. Nonetheless, presenting it to a specialist, during which I sometimes stammer and fluctuate between intense anticipation and fear, is a very different thing altogether.
I happened to examine a male patient with 6 packs yesterday. A fisherman. The marble contours of his perfectly muscled chest and abdomen were so dazzling that they sent my heart thudding erratically against my chest wall. His nipples, which I had a burning desire to lick, sent flickers of electricity through my body. But of course, I was self-disciplined enough to resist the temptation. I examined his abdomen twice on the pretext of confirming my clinical findings, indulging in every second of it. In actual fact, it was unnecessary. I was just being hamsap. Very unethical of me, right?
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