I told her

I thought she knew it, after being in the same class for 3 years.

We mingle a lot with each other. We were once group mates and had gone through thick and thin. I accompanied her to the endoscopy clinic a week before my finals when she was suffering from severe dyspepsia resistant to proton-pump inhibitors (PPIs). I waited for 30 minutes near her block at night to give her a piece of Chocolate Indulgence from Secret Recipe, because I knew she’d like it. I assisted her when she shifted out from campus. Darn. Which straight guy on earth would do these for a girl without an ulterior motive?

And….I don’t play soccer. I’m obviously the only guy in class who actually gives a damn about his weight. I’m a classical cam-whore. I’m self-loving and indecisive. I won't know what to do if my car is broken down. The colour of my shirt always matches my pants’. I always look more presentable than my bookish male course mates. I shop.

However, apparently, and disappointingly, she didn’t even have the tiniest suspicion that I might be gay. How can she be so insensitive? I thought girls had very accurate intuitions.

Last night, we had a casual chat via MSN. And the topic of conversation happened to revolve around relationships. I could take it no more and decided to tell her, without considering that she might not be receptive to homosexuality.

“Eh… It’s not that I don’t want to get a girlfriend. It’s just that, I don’t like girls. You get me?”

I don’t think I got a reply.

Yet, a few moments later, my phone rang. It’s her. A wave of regret engulfed me. I didn’t answer. And it rang again…incessantly. I mustered up my courage and answered, when it rang for the 3rd time, with the mental preparation to deal with the bombardment of questions that would ensue.

" Hey, are you sure about your sexuality? Have you tried it before? Will it help to straighten you if I offer to let you kiss me? Don't you find me attractive? I thought you went to a co-ed school? Why are you gay? It's a waste that you're gay, you know?"

" Duh!! It's not like I've been gay since a few days ago, k?"

Her reaction to my coming out was a concoction of shock, concern, acceptance, excitement and jealousy (because she realized from then onwards that she’d have to compete harder for the hot guys who’re mostly taken or gay?). A typical response. I’ve come out to a few straight beings, guys and girls included, and the reaction they show is invariably the same.

Nevertheless, I’m glad that she’s okay with my being gay. And am proud that I’ve got a new fag hag who’s willing to be my date on Valentine’s day, provided that I’m still single by next February.

Thanks, CH, for being my friend. =)

Oh ya, she actually asked if I was a top or bottom, which totally rendered me speechless.

Merry Christmas

“Tomorrow I'll be on a mission to spread Christmas cheer to my fellow queers down in Singapore. But most importantly, I'll be visiting a certain naughty boy and making sure he gets a piece coal in his sockand a kiss on his lips.”

Extracted from William's blog.

Aww… isn’t that sweet? How I wish someone would fly to somewhere far away from civilization, which is where I am at present, to give me a kiss on my lips.

My end-posting exam will be held next week. It feels like I just sat the previous exam last week. Damn. Aih. I’m hardly prepared. Nobody really is, I guess. Stress and fear have permeated the air. No one has got the mood for Christmas celebration. 3 years in med school has definitely anaesthetized me to tests and examinations to a certain extent. Yet, it’s indeed a misery to not to be able to party or have plans on Christmas.

Apart from that, I’m going into a period in which weight management is temporarily replaced by compulsive eating.

Anyway, Merry Christmas, people!!

The prostate gland

“Can you feel my dick pounding your prostate?”

“Argghh..yeah…”

The conversation above was extracted from one of the numerous pornographic clips in my collection.

The prostate gland is a fibroadenomatous gland surrounding the bladder neck and urethra in a male. It contributes a secretion to the semen.

Basically, it’s generalized that all the excitement and pleasurable feelings the receptive party experiences in an anal intercourse stem from the rhythmic pounding of his partner’s dick against the former’s prostate gland. But, I don’t know how true this statement is.

For years, I’ve made an effort to find an answer to the myth but it’s unfruitful. Well, I do know that the prostate gland plays a role in an orgasm. The sympathetic nervous system stimulates rapid contractions of the ductus deferens, seminal and prostate glands which provide the semen and expulsive force to discharge the sperms. But does prostate gland really have a part to play in inducing sexual arousal in anorectal sex among gays?

Speaking about prostate gland, I come across many old men with a very common problem called benign prostatic hyperplasia (BPH) in the surgical ward. The gland becomes enlarged and compresses the urethra (尿道), resulting in difficulty in passing urine. And hence, I’ve got many chances to perform digital rectal examination or PR on them, during which I need to insert my index finger into their assholes to appreciate the enlargement of the gland.

Somehow, the fact that the condition only occurs in old age dashes my fantasy of fingering young hot muscular hunks in the ward. But, at least, I know how a prostate gland feels like now. =)

Hunks in the hostel

We currently share a hostel with the medical assistants who work in the hospital which we're attached to.

They like to walk here in there in boxers, generously revealing their perfect physique and masculinity. Some of them bathe in their underwear with the door open.

And of late, I find myself passing by their rooms unnecessarily, just to take quick glaces at them. Occasionally, they smile to me. And I'll respond with the gayest grin I have. Yet, so far, I don't think I've successfully attracted any of them.

They are indeed a huge distraction. Makes me really desperate. Heh.

Stranded

Am still stranded in Sandakan. Had been deprived of internet access till today. Aih.

Life here is pretty boring. I basically spend my free time watching series and playing DotA against my roommates (apart from studying, of course).

The Hakka population here is larger. It's fun conversing in Hakka with some of the patients, while my friends look at me, awed and tongue-tied. Hehe.

I miss KK.

Feel relieved that there's only a fortnight left. Yet, the bad thing is I've got to celebrate Christmas here. :(