The guy at the pool

You emerged in front of me out of nowhere.

I must have been stunned for what felt like an eternity. Strangely, I could feel some sort of serenity within me. The deafening whistling of the lifeguard, the sloshing of the water and the boisterous chatter of the kids were suddenly diminished to an unintelligible distant whisper.

There you were, standing in front of me, drying your body in a sexually provocative manner with a piece of towel. My heart melted like the butter under the afternoon sun. You're smoldering hot. The water trickling down your hair and chest rendered you even more startlingly handsome. 

I was totally captivated by your charm and your manliness. As we made our way to the changing room, I stole numerous covert glances at you, especially your dimples of Venus. My friends were talking to me. But, I was merely mechanically responding to them. You'd stolen my soul the moment I saw you.

When I was about to leave, I noticed you're still in the changing room, half-naked. Hence, I chose to sit on the bench in the room with the ostensible purpose of waiting for my friends who're still having their shower. However, my real goal was to allow myself to admire your beauty for a few more minutes, after which we'd part with each other and probably never meet again.

Suddenly, I could feel my heart cease to beat. Literally.

That was when you turned to a corner and removed the towel around your waist without a tinge of disinhibition, generously revealing your gluteal region. To be honest, I totally didn't see this coming. 

You're completely nude. I wondered if you really had to do this to torture me just to drive home the point that you're hot. I could feel lust incinerating me from the inside. Without any hesitation, I stood up and waltzed nonchalantly to a strategic spot where I could satisfy the relentless urge to obtain a full-frontal view of you while thousands of dirty thoughts germinated in my hopelessly corrupted mind.

I thought the number of examinations of the male genitalia I'd performed would have numbed me to lewd sights such as that of your succulent ass. Obviously, I was wrong. I guess this is somewhat analogous to my persistent craving for porn despite the fact that the climax and the ending are invariably the same.

Disappointingly, I didn't succeed. You'd already put your pants on before I could achieve my goal. And my friends were already beckoning to me, signalling that it's time to leave.

I looked at you for one last time, and left. At that particular moment, I wondered if you'd noticed me. I wondered if we'd ever meet again. I wondered if I'd ever recall the trepidation and palpitation I experienced. I wondered if I would, many years from now, still remember you - the tall, lanky guy at the pool who reminded me that it's okay to be superficial once in a while.

Housemen

Today, I accidentally dropped a few coins while paying for my breakfast. Just as I wanted to pick them up, Dr. A already had.

Dr. A is one of the few housemen I've Googled about. We met a few postings ago. And I can't really remember his name now. I have this habit of Googling about housemen or even consultants I find attractive, which you can definitely equate with stalking, but of a rather benign and harmless variety.

I've never really seen Dr. A smile. He's not one of those easily approachable housemen who'd take the first move to chat a med student up. 

Hence, I was pretty surprised by his kind gesture. I stood at the counter, momentarily stunned and swooning over him because of his chivalry. Chivalry? What an inappropriate word for me, as I guy, to use. Could this be an ambiguous hint of my previously undiagnosed bo**om-ness?

I wanted shoot him the most resplendent smile I was capable of to express my gratitude. Yet, I just couldn't bring my facial muscles to form a grin.

The other day, I was eating a muffin - one of my stress remedies - when my heartbeats suddenly became chaotic on seeing Dr. Cute saunter into the cafeteria. We sort of had an eye contact for less than 2 seconds in the ward earlier. I was alone. However, I'd purposely chosen a table enough for more than 2 persons, the reason of which needs no further explanation here, I suppose.

I tried to eat as slowly as I could and was beseechingly waiting for him to sit with me.

I began to panic when I saw him inch towards me. 

Nevertheless, it didn't take very long for a spasm of pain and disappointment to develop in me as he walked past me to join his colleagues.

I don't know how some guys are able to lure their victims into their shower stalls in the gym with just a blink. They make it sound as though it's a child's play. But for me, it never seems to work. Is this associated with Feng Shui? By any chance?

Beach Boy

I got to know Beach Boy on Grindr.

He texted me on Grindr. He didn't have a profile picture. Well, honestly speaking, I detest talking to guys who want to make friends but don't have the courage to reveal their looks for reasons I find very idiotic. I wouldn't mind if you choose to be anonymous in your blog. But, hey, it's Grindr!

But then, I did talk to Beach Boy. Maybe, there aren't many Grindr users in the vicinity. Maybe, I wasn't feeling kinda lonely at that particular moment. So, I actually responded and said hi, in a tone that was casual and indifferent enough to veil my desperation.

We had a nice conversation and then we proceeded to talk on WhatsApp.

He sent me a picture of him the next morning. Much to my surprise, he's kinda cute. Hehe. I nicknamed him Beach Boy because he likes to go to the beach. And I couldn't stop visualizing him frolicking in the seawater in his Bermudas and basking in the sun.

That's not the end of the story.

It was 2 days before my end-of-posting exam. To stave off the immense stress that's gradually building up within me, we were talking endlessly again on WhatsApp.

Just when I almost fell asleep from forcefully imbibing the salient features of an ocean of medical diseases,

.....he sent me this.

My bleary eyes were suddenly wide open, followed by a lightning of thrill and excitement that jolted through me. Ah! Look at those well-delineated rectus abdominis muscles divided by the linea alba in between and the rather distinct linea semilunaris at their lateral borders. The serratus anterior muscles. Those beautiful lines in the right and left iliac fossae diagonally downwards from his anterior superior iliac spines (ASIS) bilaterally. The love handles. And not to mention his broad chest, his biceps and brachioradialis muscles which fit in somewhat perfectly.

However, contrary to what you might be thinking at the moment, I was still able to retain my composure. :)

The other day, Beach Boy asked if we could meet up. I said yes, vaguely. Yet, we haven't agreed on the date and time.

Perhaps, I'm not physically prepared yet. I'm still making an effort to minimize the discrepancy between myself in my Grindr profile picture and my actual self, if you know what I mean.

We haven't arrived at a stage where I'd say I'm into him. I guess he serves more like a motivation for me to get rid of the diffuse lipoma of my anterior abdominal wall which has haunted me for years. :/

Olfaction

I drove to a supermarket where's a McD restaurant within walking distance. I had to withdraw some money from the ATM machine there. And that's how I ended up having a set Chicken McDeluxe for lunch.

It was only until Jamie mercilessly commented how much weight I'd gained when I was asking Mat for a piece of biscuit during class that I was ridden with guilt. A constructive criticism that prodded me into going for a jog this evening.

I haven't been exercising much since I inadvertently injured my finger the other day. Just a lame excuse. 

My stamina had reduced and lungs seemed to have lost their compliance. You can consume thousands of kilocalories in a few minutes. Yet, it takes a considerable amount of effort to burn it.

As usual, the sports complex was teeming with sweaty athletic guys generously flaunting their biceps and quadriceps. They looked so vibrant and full of vigour. The evening sun made them even more radiant with health and manliness.

As they sprinted past me, I'd subconsciously stick my nose closer to smell their musky body scent, allowing myself to maximally enjoy the intoxicating olfactory stimulus for a few microseconds. And I did it rather surreptitiously and pretended as if I was merely inhaling a breath of fresh air. Hehe. This is one my many fetishes and hopefully it doesn't make you nauseous nor turn you off. However, I'm very selective, k? I don't do this to everyone, especially those who're morbidly obese whose repulsive body odour assaults my nostrils even from metres away.

Smell is one of the 5 special senses human beings are blessed with. Sometimes, I find myself drawn to someone partly because of his scent. Or perhaps, he just wears the right cologne. It also reflects your level hygiene, which is something I'm very scrupulous about.

I did visit the derelict gymnasium as well which doesn't even have a treadmill. Did a bit of weight-lifting and push-ups. I saw a few muscular hunks. I lowered my head to look at my mildly distended abdomen with no traces of six packs. And that's when feelings of inferiority began to seep into my soul. Not cool!

I know I should stop building castle in the air and put in more hard work.

Have a wonderful week, guys!

On being desperate

I've been feeling very diabetic of late reading how Skyhawk expresses his affection for his boyfriend and vice versa. So sweet and romantic.

Today, I saw Dr. Phuah in the obstetric ward. He's seeing a patient with thyroid disease in pregnancy. In the presence of such a huge distraction, needless to say, I failed to concentrate on clerking my patient.

I got his full name and looking for him on Facebook was the first thing I did after I got back. Disappointingly, he's kissing a girl in his profile picture. That explains why I'm PMS-ing at the moment. Now, the glimmer of hope that he's gay is lost.

I always have the tendency to assume people are gay and fall for them, only to be driven to despair in the end when I discover they're actually not.

I crave for love. I yearn to be hugged and kissed. I fervently wish that I had a boyfriend to whom I can give my body and soul. I wish I didn't have to wrap myself with my comforter and tears in my eyes, imagining that it's the guy I love hugging me.

And I don't know why I always attract people who freak me out and give me a chill of horror that raises good bumps on every square inch of my body. For instance, the immaculately dressed and well-groomed male stranger who followed me out of the changing room of the public pool, placed his arm across my shoulder and asked if we could have a drink. I could see the yearning in his eyes and the temptation rising uncontrollably within me. Yet, the situation was too frightening for me to think of anything kinky.


And not to mention the overtly friendly temple senior, a married man in his 40s and apparently bisexual, who treated me really nice. He bought me expensive meals and gifts. It doesn't take to realize the ulterior motives behind his generosity and kindness when it dawned on me that he'd known I was gay from the very beginning. He saw my gay profile online. Once, I even agreed to stay with him in a hotel as we had to attend an activity in the temple which ended pretty late. My university has an 11 pm curfew. What a close shave! 

Besides, recently, a perverse senior of mine discovered my blog and my identity was exposed soon after. I only suspected this only after he started asking me details of how I masturbate and satisfy my sexual desire out of the blue on Facebook, when in actual fact, I'm not even close to him. My hatred for him became stronger after discovering that Caleb, a junior whom I used to have a crush on, wasn't spared from his harassment as well. Despite my giving him a cold shoulder, he started texting me a few days back. I wonder why he has to approach people in such an eerie way. 

Why is it so hard to attract and arrest the attention of the guys I like? 

祸不单行

I've been very unlucky lately.

It started with my being a scapegoat for someone's blunder serious enough that a letter of apology to the head of the department was obligatory. It's extremely mortifying when we're given a stern telling-off. What really got on my nerves was the refusal of one of the main perpetrators to own up to the mistake and his accusation that the rest were more guilty.

You know how the truth always becomes convoluted by rumours or when the person spreading them wants to portray himself as being more victimized and less guilty. Despicable! I guess I'm kinda notorious now. Certain things take years to be built and yet it's so fragile that it can be marred within seconds. A good reputation just happens to fall under this category.

When things like this take place, you can tell who your friends are. However, I think the practical thing to do now is not to linger on the past but to learn from the mistake and be more cautious in future.

Apart from that, I injured my right index finger by accident in the gym a few days back. I'm not a frequent gym-goer. I was merely acting upon the suggestions of a few friends who unanimously agreed that I should give it a try. I wasn't familiar with the equipment and that's how I got a laceration on the palmar surface of my right index finger.

My roommate rushed me to the nearest hospital where I received two sutures and some chloramphenicol ointment plus a course of oral antibiotic for RM 1. Guess that's the upside of seeking treatment in a government hospital. Unbelievably cheap. Nevertheless, the waiting can be frustrating.

There's still some tingling sensation and numbness over the tip of my finger. It affects my writing and interferes with my daily ritual -- jerking off. I'm kinda worried if this will be permanent. I've forgotten my orthopaedics and was wondering if I should consult a doctor.

Despite being emotionally affected by the unfortunate events and academic stress, I can't help swooning over several cute housemen in the department, namely Dr. Nerraw and Dr. A. Dr. Nerraw looks Chinese. I've yet to find out his full name but I don't think he's of the Chinese descent. Maybe Sino. He's got a tall figure and beautiful facial features. Scrumptious! He never really smiles though. I'm pretty sure I'll fall into a swoon if he ever flashes one to me. As for Dr. A, he's slim and lean. Always clad in trousers which accentuate his anterior bulge and butt. Tantalizing!

Betrayed

Well well well... it seems that Faculty King's gay. KP's straight. And there's another gay among the UKM med students who took the first move to add me on Facebook. Let's call him Jacob. It doesn't take a genius to guess his intention, which was to see more of my pics to confirm my sexual preference. Yet, I was really shocked that he's gay. I mean, I wasn't even suspicious that he's gay. Now I know what the word 'straight-acting' means. On a closer look, he's kinda cute too.

To make matters worse, Dr. D told them I'm gay. Felt a bit betrayed as initially I thought he was on my side. And the fact that he told him I had a crush on them totally drove me crazy as that's not totally true and it made me sound like a desperate whore.

It seems that I'm not the only one with a functional gaydar. Should have been more cautious.

According to Dr. D, the duo were 99% sure I was gay before he revealed to them that I was. I was wondering if I was so obviously gay.

They're flying back to Malaysia in two days' time. Hopefully, I won't bump into them by then as I know I will feel extremely embarassed.

In the meantime, I feel sorry for the girls. Ahaks.

Elective posting: Day 2

I feel very previledged for having the opportunity to meet Dr. Shitsumiji, a consultant cardiologist from Osaka, Japan who came here to perform several live demonstrations on percutaneous coronary intervention (PCI).

I had a great liking for him. I guess my preference for gay Japanese pornography can explain that. He's quite handsome for his age. I didn't know one could be a consultant at such a young age. I'm very impressed by his professionalism and the confidence he exudes. We even took a picture with him.

I noticed that the specialists or consultants here are very friendly and humble in comparison to those in Malaysia. The specialists in our teaching hospital back in Malaysia tend to overlook our presence. Many of them don't bother much about us and they only teach us only when they're in the mood. Thus, we really have to stand on our own feet.

I saw KP during lunch time. He came to my table by mistake. My heart fibrillated a bit. I hope he didn't notice that I was staring at him. Ahaks. And Faculty King's back was facing me. Well, Dr. D has already suggested that I add Faculty King on Facebook after reading my previous post. It seems that Faculty King is kinda popular among the gay med students in KL too. But, I've ignored the request to avoid unnecessary embarassment.

Yet, I wonder if Faculty King is gay because two of our mutual friends on Facebook are gay. Is that confirmatory of his sexuality?

Eye candies!

Today is the first day of my elective posting in Taiwan. There's a group of UKM medical students here too. They're a year my junior.

2 of the guys are damn hot. One of them is even the faculty king. A female colleague of mine is already drooling profusely. I can see the desperation in her eyes.

Well, I guess I'm just like her.

I'll spend my first week here in the Cardiology department. Hope I'll learn something useful apart from ogling at the cute Taiwanese guys here.

I desperately hope that I'll have the opportunity to get acquainted to the faculty king and the other equally cute guy named Winson.

Scuba-diving

I've been playing like mad every single day after my exam. We went to watch movies. Had nicer meals at nicer places. Played DotA endlessly. I even participated in a scuba-diving course with Jamie and Qing Ci under the Professional Association of Diving Instructors (PADI) and had got my licence.

There're certain things I told myself I had to accomplish before graduation. Well, I'd conquered Mount Kinabalu ( which was a feat), done white water rafting at Padas River and visited the Sepilok forest reserve and orang utan sanctuary. Now, the only thing left is snorkeling and scuba-diving in Sipadan Island, which boasts splendid world-class dive sites and scenic beaches, beckoning tens of thousands of tourists from all over the world each year. That explains my enthusiasm for attending the scuba-diving course.



It's a 3-day course. Cost us RM 670 each. And we got to scuba-dive at Mamutik Reef, Sapi Reef and Coral Garden off the coast of KK. It's a very enjoyable experience. It opened my eyes to the beautiful underwater world of rich marine habitats which I could only see superficially on the National Geographic or Discovery channels previously.

In the water, you're almost weightless. You control your buoyancy by inflating or deflating the buoyancy control device (BCD). You breathe through a scuba tank as you admire the awe-inspiring beauty of the fish and coral species in a myriad of colours. And it's very exhilarating when you try to reach out for the fishes that nonchalantly swim past you.

So, if you ever happen to be in the Land below the Wind, get your scuba-diving licence before going back. It's much cheaper here than in Peninsular Malaysia. Don't worry about drowning. I only got stung by a sea urchin because I underestimated the danger of playing with it.

The price is quite reasonable, considering that you get to ogle at hot guys sun-bathing and flaunting their six packs on the beaches. There're Jap guys who resembled those in my favourite porn collection! Oh my... I drooled ceaselessly looking at their asses and bulges. Stealthily took some pictures of them. Jamie almost caught me red-handed.

I'm going to Kundasang with my friends in a few hours' time. Yay! It's a highland popularly known as the foot of Mount Kinabalu. I've been there a couple of times. But, since Ah Teng offered to drive, I'm just gonna tag along.

I cooked

I participated in the cooking for the guys today. For the first time in my life, I cooked. And what I cooked was edible, surprisingly. But of course, this was preceded by 4 weeks of observing how others cooked.

Today is a day I want to remember. Which is why I blogged. Ahh. What a lame entry.

By the way, the student nurses left today. They've completed their training here.

My straight group mates have flirted excessively with the cute female student nurses for the past few weeks. Samson even succeeded in pursuing one of them.

I hope no one thinks I'm odd. Or heterophobic. I don't remember introducing myself to any of the chicks, except Richel, the twinky male nursing student whom I'd been stalking.

Yet, he's gone. Before I had the courage to ask him for his number. Aiks.

Twinky male nurse

I did a suture on a patient this morning. He had a cut on his right ankle. I never enjoy doing it on a conscious patient, or worse still, a child. I'm still not very adept at suturing and my lack of confidence is apparent whenever I seek the nurses' help.

The patient was watching me closely I made every stitch with worries and extreme care. I was under a lot of tension and afraid that something would go wrong and he'd shout at me. Yet, with the assistance of a cute male student nurse who patiently guided me almost throughout the procedure, I guess I did quite a good job. At least, the patient didn't display any sign of impatience or dissatisfaction.

By the way, the male student nurse is such a twink. Ritchel caught my attention the first day I started my posting here. Fair complexion. Short. Slim. Looks like a Chinese. And clad in white from head to toes and always puts on a angelic smile. Yummy!

How high is the possibility of a male nurse being gay? JY told me it's 99 %. I so am going to seize every chance to establish an eye contact with him tomorrow, just for the sake of confirming he's gay. Hopefully, it'll last more than 5 seconds. Hehe.

I don't think it makes me a slut doing this, right? So, wish me luck.

So, he's gay

It's my first day in obstetrics and gynaecology posting.

I was in a labour room where there's a woman lying on the couch with her legs spread wide open, groaning in agony and immense pain. She's in the active phase of the second stage of labour, I reckoned. I looked at her carefully, trying to fathom what my mom underwent when she's giving birth to me, which was something I hardly thought of previously... something I knew I'd never be able to decipher.

My attention was distracted by a man who sauntered leisurely into the room. He rolled up his sleeves elegantly, put on a plastic apron and subsequently a pair of sterile gloves. Without further ado, he conducted the delivery with a form of assurance and confidence that impressed me.

He's a houseman then. Dr. Id. A young doctor in the O&G department (apart from Dr. Teh) who never failed to charm me with his suavity and pleasant disposition. He's manly. Immaculately dressed. Smart. Humble. Hilarious. Handsome. All in all, he's attractive. And I thought to myself, "Could he be gay?"

Well, admittedly, there're a couple of times I fantasized about him when I was jerking off. And there's once I felt like banging him in the washroom during one of those nights I voluntarily stayed till very late in the ward. He happened to be on call. I was simmering with lust. Yet, having always held on to conservative Asian values, it's not surprising that I was able suppress the burning lust and temptation lying underneath my façade of innocence.


AND something very astonishing took place a few days ago. Guess what? Dr. Id approached me on Planetromeo. He took very long before he could recognize me. That's understandable, as I guess I look kind of geeky whenever I'm in the ward. I'm dressed in my lab coat, don't wax my hair and put on a pair of glasses which makes me even nerdier.

He claimed that he's bisexual but added that he loved guys more. Ridiculous and ironic. He's pretty approachable until he popped up the question "Have we met before? You look sort of familiar." That's when he had an idea of who I was and tried to cover up his identity.

I was overjoyed. My gaydar worked. It's him. I couldn't be wrong. Not after I managed to identify the nerves of the brachial plexus in the cadaver's arm.

Notwithstanding the possibility that I may be blackmailed, I'd be glad if we can be friends. =)

p/s: I think I've become a little too sociable lately.

Hunks in the hostel

We currently share a hostel with the medical assistants who work in the hospital which we're attached to.

They like to walk here in there in boxers, generously revealing their perfect physique and masculinity. Some of them bathe in their underwear with the door open.

And of late, I find myself passing by their rooms unnecessarily, just to take quick glaces at them. Occasionally, they smile to me. And I'll respond with the gayest grin I have. Yet, so far, I don't think I've successfully attracted any of them.

They are indeed a huge distraction. Makes me really desperate. Heh.

A smile so seductive

He smiled to me. A smile so enchanting and alluring.

Inexplicably, I could tell he liked me.

I could tell, based on my gay instincts and from his gestures, that he’s gay.

I could tell, based on my intuitions, that it wasn’t a simple smile. But a smile blazing with seduction.

Many a time, our eyes met. It sent flickers of electricity through my entire body. I wanted to get to know him but was too timid and shy. I always looked at him, gave him an equally seductive smile and promptly looked away because I was too shy.

Well, he’s an air-steward on board my flight from KL to X. Very handsome and adorable.

I sat on an aisle seat. He intentionally touched my shoulder once when he passed by. I knew immediately that that’s nothing but a signal that he’s interested in me.

My intention was pure. I just wanted to befriend him. Somehow, this couldn’t explain the sustained erection I had.

We’re apparently interested in each other. I was waiting for him to take the first move and give me his number. Sad to say, he wasn’t bold enough to approach me too. Consequently, in the end, nothing happened.

I really regret for not being proactive enough.

I’ve tried to search for him on Friendster and Facebook but to no avail. I really do regret now. I’m not going to repeat the mistake, if I ever get to see him again.

Nevertheless, at least now I know I can attract people even with my hair unwaxed and when I wear glasses. =)

May you rest in peace, uncle.

My hypothesis was right. Dr. Edmund graduated from NUI. National University of Ireland. o.O He’s either very brilliant or very loaded. Or perhaps both. I saw his writing in the case notes. It’s astoundingly elegant and neat compared to my illegible clumsy scrawl. This is a rarity. I haven’t seen a doctor’s hand-writing as neat as his.

He was clerking a patient the other day. I stood behind him, pretending to be very attentive to their conversation. And I couldn’t resist the impulse to smell his body scent. I hope he didn’t realize it. It’s a little vague, but invigorating and orgasmic. Hehe. Does it sound nauseating to you? I always have tendency to do so as surreptitiously as possible whenever and wherever I spot a cute guy.

---

I had the opportunity to perform cardiopulmonary resuscitation (CPR) on a collapsed patient in the emergency unit a few days ago. The medical assistants were apparently exhausted and my help was sought.

Dr X: Come on!! Faster! 100 compressions per minute!!
Joe: Ya. Trying.
Dr X: Eh, you’re like making a dough. Straighten your arms!
Joe: …..
Dr X: Use the strength of your entire upper torso!!

I heard some cracking sound when I was doing the compressions with all my might. Did I fracture his ribs?

Well, the poor old man didn’t make it though. Everything that could be done had been done. The tube and IV lines were removed. They switched off the electrocardiograph, stopped the ventilation and called the time. Sometimes, patients just don't respond. And they sink inexorably into death.

The family members were then informed and called in, their eyes teary and red. I guess they’d had the premonition that something tragic was imminent. Grief manifested itself on their gloomy faces. I stood aside, expressionless. My breathing gradually crept towards hyperventilation and I struggled to fight back a sudden wave of emotion the incident had brought on. It's hard to fathom the pain and emotional torment the death had inflicted on his family members. But I wish I never have to as it's obviously heart-wrenching.

Uncle, may you rest in peace.

As he saunters through the ward

Joe: You just came?
Dr. Ed: Yup. First day. First posting. Completely lost.

There came a new houseman in the male medical ward. And there’s one thing about him that arrests my attention.

He’s always smiling from ear to ear. I don’t know why. He’s just being over-friendly, I guess. He smiles to everyone – his colleagues, the physicians, the nurses, the patients and even to ME. He glows with radiance as he saunters through the crowded ward in his spotless white coat and a stethoscope around his neck. He exudes a positive vibe that attracts people around him.

I find myself sneaking surreptitious glances at him. He looks rich. Must have graduated from IMU or PMC (Penang Medical College). He’s always kept busy by doing admission clerking, blood-taking, taking orders from MOs and toeing the line. I can sense he’s a bit lost at times. And I particularly like the helpless look on his face which is similar to that of a little boy who gets lost in a huge mall. It makes me feel like protecting him, analogous to what a hen would do when a ferocious eagle dives from the sky to prey on her chicks.

---

It’s now the second week of medicine posting. I was unfortunately selected as the group leader. Very burdensome indeed. Classes never seem to go according to the timetable. The physicians are super-busy. A lot of precious time and money are wasted on calling and waiting in the clinic to negotiate with the consultants and re-schedule whatever that needs to be re-scheduled. Consequently, my phone is always low on credit.

By the way, some of the clinicians here are really awesome. They inspire us with their professionalism. They hold us spellbound with their superb examinations skills that take decades to be polished to perfection. During each ward round, there’ll be junior doctors, nurses and last but not least, nosy and thoroughly impressed medical students tagging along. Like a convoy. Looks very grand.

Many a time, I wonder when I can be that impressive.

Intoxicated

I was in the gynae ward this afternoon, looking for a case of vaginal discharge to be presented during the bedside teaching session tomorrow. When I was busy rummaging through the stack of case notes, suddenly, I sensed someone strangely familiar standing in close proximity to me. I raised my head.

It’s Dr. Teh.

Immediately, my mind was a blank and I blushed. I ogled at him for a few minutes, during which my lungs hyperventilated, my blood pressure elevated and my heart pounded hard.

His facial skin is flawless. He has such an angelic and enthralling smile. It makes me feel sort of…intoxicated. I always fantasize about being the nurse who silently tags along him whenever he does his ward round.

Well, disappointingly, I don’t think he recalls my introducing to him previously anyway. He’s in the ward looking for a patient with ruptured ectopic pregnancy on whom he’d be performing a unilateral salpingectomy (removal of Fallopian tube).

---

Time flies. My current posting (O&G) will end soon after the end-of-posting exam next week. Again, I’m having the pre-exam syndrome with a spectrum of symptoms ranging from apprehension, anxiety, compulsive eating, obsession with sms-ing, breathing difficulty to mild insomnia. A lot of stress, certainly.

However, the motivational and encouraging sms-es William sends me every now and then do assume a substantial role in soothing my soul and alleviating the pressure I’m facing. He kindly requested me to express my gratitude to him officially and openly. So, thank you lo, Gor. =p

Dirty thoughts in the clinic

Dr Teh: So, what’s the case just now?

Me: Ovarian cyst. Scheduled for laparascopic cystectomy. Right?

Dr. Teh: Hmm. Tell me the complications the woman might develop.

I was not the least flustered. When I was in 2nd year, I computed the complications of ovarian tumours into my mind, using a mnemonic. Confidently, I answered.

Me: Erm. Torsion. Rupture. Haemorrhage. Malignant change. Infection.

Dr. Teh: Tell me a few things that are suggestive of malignancy.
Me: Elevated serum levels of CA 125? Loss of weight and appetite?

Dr. Teh: My dear, you don’t jump. When you want to present things, present them in order. Firstly, history. Secondly, physical examination. Then only you come to investigation and so on.

Me: Oh! Ok lor.

I spent the session allocated for ward work today in Dr. Teh’s clinic with another course-mate. It was indeed an honour to be with him. The 2-hour session was educational and absolutely entertaining. He taught us lots of stuff, which was something not every specialist or medical officer would be willing to do. Can’t blame them. Perhaps their workload is so heavy that the sight of a bunch of inquisitive medical students disrupts their mood.

And guess what? Dr. Teh attracted me. Hehe.

He is an obstetrician and gynaecologist in his mid 30s. A little bit fleshy, but neither too slim nor too fat. Someone with the body mass index (BMI) of 26.5 Kg/m², I would say. Just nice. He is not stylish. His hair is neatly combed, just like other geeky- and nerdy-looking doctors in the hospital. Yet, that does not obscure the authentic beauty of his face. He’s handsome. His smile mesmerizes me. And I bet he will look damn appealing if he were a little bit slimmer, or muscular. I actually fantasized about making out with him when I was in the clinic.

Apart from that, he does not speak Mandarin. A typical banana. Only did I realize that when he was removing the ring pessary from the pussy of a Chinese woman with uterovaginal prolapse and started conversing with her in Malay. And I was asked to explain to him a few Chinese words which he did not understand.

Anyway, I really do appreciate him for his humility and willingness to teach. And I’ll find out whether or not he is married.

Juniors

Last night, I got the chance to see my male juniors who just came in. They were gathered in a very secluded area of my residential college by the second-year students. It's just a session to get to know the freshies. The ragging will take part later on, during the orientation day.

Most of them are high scorers from prestigious and pretty well-known high schools all over Malaysia. Chung Ling. Malacca High. Chung Hwa, Kota Bharu. VI. Sam Tet. Keat Hwa. VI.

I despaired of not being able to find my type as I carefully scanned through the guys. Among the 35-odd bookish- and studious-looking guys, there's one who actually caught my eyes. Hehe. A guy from Klang whose name I've forgotten. Slim and lean and sort of cute. A straight STPM scorer. But that's not what attracted me. When asked why he chose medicine, he lamented that it wasn't really in list. He wanted to do actuarial science and went on blaming the Ministry of Higher Education and bla bla bla.

He looks messy, brilliant and has the mannerisms similar to that of CH. He displays a tinge of arrogance and indifference in the way he talks and stands. Some, I'm pretty sure, would find him irritating. Annoying. Cocky. However, I'm strangely drawn to him.

I'll find a chance to get acquainted to him. I thought of bribing him with lecture notes and past-year questions. But he doesn't seem to be a kiasu person who hankers for any of these. But if I'm not mistaken, he plays DotA too. At least, I know we have something in common. This will make matters a lot easier and my motives less obvious.

And hopefully, he's gay. Heh.