He held my hand

We had dinner at the restaurant together as planned. He asked if he could sit next to me. I looked at the waiters and waitresses who're intermittently stealing surreptitious glances at us and shook my head. Too awkward, I explained.

Then, we shared a bowl of frozen yogurt with 6 toppings at Yogurberry. He scooped a spoon of yogurt and put in front of my mouth. I just gulped in, without considering the possibility that there might be someone staring disapprovingly at us. Arghh!! Why am I gay?!

He offered to drive me to the area where my car was parked (which was in a free-parking area pretty far away). He held my hand and caressed it gently against his thigh. That's the first time in my life someone I adored held my hand. And uncontrollably, I had an erection. I'm a guy, k? A conservative and occasionally horny one. Well, at least I didn't pounce on him and rip his clothes off ferociously. A puppy has got to behave like one, right? Tame and fragile (which is so not me).

As predicted, again, I didn't have to pay a cent. He always insists on paying for me. Damn. I feel bad. Yet, being pampered feels nice. Don't you think so? Erm. I promise I'll treat him to a meal on our next date, if he allows. =)

I'm definitely going to be fat!

Dating someone

Me: Efkay, I like you.

Him: Our feelings are mutual.

Sometimes, our messages are short. Straight to the point.

I guess I'm kinda dating someone now. Hehe. Hope it works. Wish me luck. No. we aren't a couple yet. We've decided to hang out for some time and see if we really are compatible with each other before embarking on a relationship.

Well, honestly, I'm happy. Whether or not it works, I'm happy, for having a chance to date someone whom I think is my type (for the time being). And I can't believe this is happening one week before a major which determines whether or not I can proceed to 4th year.

Oh ya, we're going to dinner today. He said that I needn't dress up nicely when meeting him. That's a good idea. Hehe. I can save a lot of hassle.

I'll be thinking of you

We're briefed on the examination this morning. I could see tension in everyone. As usual, there a few brilliant ones discussing things which I had no clue to. Aih. Pressured.

Heard that the passing mark for the upcoming exam is 50 %, which is 15% lower than that of every single test I've sat for for the past 3 years. Though a little bit relieved, I still shudder at the thought of not passing.

Efkay had headache today. Spinning and exploding, he described.

I asked him to rest and take paracetamol if necessary.

Efkay said he wanted his Puppy.

=)

I told to him that I had to study. And that I'd kiss away his headache if I could.

Him: I'll be fine. I'll be thinking of you.

Me: Not that hot gym instructor? Haha. Ok lor. ;-)

Him: No. It's you. Go read your books now.

That's really sweet. =)

Energized

I just dined with the guy who calls me Puppy.

I think I'm fond of him. Especially his scent.

=)

Time to study. ( I feel motivated and energized now.)

=)

God, please!

Had my passport renewed today. We agreed to switch our destination to Hanoi, Vietnam. 4 faggots going on vacay... Sounds awesome. I really look forward to the trip. Our leader has even asked me check out the gay spots in the capital, which I haven't got the chance to do.

Will be flying back to East Malaysia tomorrow. To sit an exam.

Kinda miss home. But, well, just a fortnight. I'll be back in two weeks' time.

I thought I could study more efficiently at home. Nevertheless, all I did was slacking off and procrastinating. I should have flown back earlier to prepare.

It's always right before the exam I wish I were a bookworm. Because that means I'd have revised everything within the scope by now. And that I needn't have to burn the midnight oil.

Yet, why am I such a lazy bone?

=(

God, please help me! Let me pass. I just wanna pass. I wanna go to Hanoi. Please.... I swear I'll study more consistently in the future.

What's life?

The smell of burning incense pervaded the living room, where I saw him lying peacefully on his death bed, clad in traditional Chinese costume from head to toes. Lifeless, pale and motionless but calm and serene. Death, perhaps, is a release from life's innumerable struggles.

A close relative of mine just passed away. My dad's brother-in-law, Uncle Chan. It's what forensic pathologists would call a sudden death. Myocardial infarction, I suppose. Despite my calling him a close relative, I don't think we're close at all, if not estranged, considering that we only meet on special family occasions, namely, a wedding or funeral. And now, it's gonna be his funeral.

His death triggered a wave of thoughts in my mind. What's life? I don't think many people bother about this. They live their lives the way they think is right. They do what conforms to societal norms and ought to be done. For instance, enrolling in a premier university, majoring in a favourite subject, materializing their childhood ambitions, obtaining high-paying jobs, getting married, reproducing and raising their offspring into successful individuals who repeat the entire process.

As far as I'm concerned, life is simply a series of events revolving around birth, aging, getting ill and eventually death. A universal process mankind has to experience. Unstoppable, irreversible and cruel. It transcends socioeconomic status, religious beliefs and ethnicity. None of us mortals are spared from it, be us rich or poor, gay or straight, top or bottom, white or black, handsome or ugly, with or without 6 packs.

Whatever life is, I hope mine will be filled with much joy and love. May He fortify my will to stay away from sins and accrue as many karmic merits as I can to swap for a reincarnation in heaven. (But, seriously, I can't do without gay porn. How how how?)

Well, back to Uncle Chan. May he rest in peace. Heard that my affluent aunts from KL would be coming up north to attend the funeral. My perfectionist mom is already complaining about having to make the house spotlessly clean to for the guests and, meanwhile, worried-sick about my 3-year-old nephew who's been hospitalized for recurrent tonsillitis.

As for me, I'm making a serious effort to revise as much as possible before flying back this Sunday. Professional exam. And hopefully, I can get to dine with the guy who calls me Puppy. =)

So, he's gay

It's my first day in obstetrics and gynaecology posting.

I was in a labour room where there's a woman lying on the couch with her legs spread wide open, groaning in agony and immense pain. She's in the active phase of the second stage of labour, I reckoned. I looked at her carefully, trying to fathom what my mom underwent when she's giving birth to me, which was something I hardly thought of previously... something I knew I'd never be able to decipher.

My attention was distracted by a man who sauntered leisurely into the room. He rolled up his sleeves elegantly, put on a plastic apron and subsequently a pair of sterile gloves. Without further ado, he conducted the delivery with a form of assurance and confidence that impressed me.

He's a houseman then. Dr. Id. A young doctor in the O&G department (apart from Dr. Teh) who never failed to charm me with his suavity and pleasant disposition. He's manly. Immaculately dressed. Smart. Humble. Hilarious. Handsome. All in all, he's attractive. And I thought to myself, "Could he be gay?"

Well, admittedly, there're a couple of times I fantasized about him when I was jerking off. And there's once I felt like banging him in the washroom during one of those nights I voluntarily stayed till very late in the ward. He happened to be on call. I was simmering with lust. Yet, having always held on to conservative Asian values, it's not surprising that I was able suppress the burning lust and temptation lying underneath my façade of innocence.


AND something very astonishing took place a few days ago. Guess what? Dr. Id approached me on Planetromeo. He took very long before he could recognize me. That's understandable, as I guess I look kind of geeky whenever I'm in the ward. I'm dressed in my lab coat, don't wax my hair and put on a pair of glasses which makes me even nerdier.

He claimed that he's bisexual but added that he loved guys more. Ridiculous and ironic. He's pretty approachable until he popped up the question "Have we met before? You look sort of familiar." That's when he had an idea of who I was and tried to cover up his identity.

I was overjoyed. My gaydar worked. It's him. I couldn't be wrong. Not after I managed to identify the nerves of the brachial plexus in the cadaver's arm.

Notwithstanding the possibility that I may be blackmailed, I'd be glad if we can be friends. =)

p/s: I think I've become a little too sociable lately.

Attracted

I sms-ed him at 3.30 am before dozing off.

Me: Send your puppy a msg at 8.30 am to wake him up...so tat he feels motivated to study, k?

I was woken up by the annoying ring tone of my cell phone. If I'm not mistaken, I was cursing the person who sent me the message as I sluggishly and reluctantly reached for my phone.

Him: Rise and shine, Puppy.Time to wash up, have breakfast and hit the books. No, no, no....don't close yr eyes n fall back to sleep!

I looked at the time. It's 8.34 am. I struggled to keep my eyes open and press the 'reply' button. My mind was still dominated by an intense feeling of drowsiness. And not surprisingly, before I could type anything, I fell asleep.

The next thing I knew, I was woken up again by the same ring tone an hour later.

Him: Puppy, chop chop! Time to study. To sweeten the deal, ice-cream whenever you want. It's on me. Puppy....

I guess he knew I must have continued my slumber as I did not reply to his previous message.

Me: I fell asleep lor. =( I was dreaming that I had replied to you. But I just knew I hadn't. I want Yogurberry. Hehe.

Him: Sure. U'll get yr endless supply of Yogurberry. Have u showered? * blows whistle* be a good puppy k?

Me: Not yet. Still lazing on my bed. Ok. Will get up now. Hehe. Thanks. Don't u like bad puppies?

Him: Bad puppies will b spanked till they beg for a stop. Go shower now.

I smiled. No one has done that to me in a while...except...perhaps...Kor, who occasionally sends me motivational messages to keep my spirits high...in a more brotherly manner.

It's too early and absurd to say I like him for the time being. Yet, I think I'm attracted already.

Nature and I

It's pretty boring to be at home, to be honest. What's more, most of my close friends are not back in town. My course structure is a bit different from theirs. More often than not, my holidays don't coincide with theirs too.

Hence, in order to escape from boredom, I jog at the riverside occasionally in a dismal attempt to maintain my weight (which I think I've failed to), apart from squandering my time on Planetromeo and watching Jap porn. Though it definitely doesn't burn as many calories as working out in a gym does, I guess the invigorating fresh air, breath-taking greenery and tranquility which environment has to offer are worth it. Oh ya...not to mention the sweaty muscular guys who jog past me and greet my nostrils with their sexually arousing body scent. I also notice that they are fond of taking their shirts off after a vigorous jog to let their bodies cool down, generously exposing the beautiful bulges that sometimes turn me on.

Reflection of the sky and the evergreen trees on the still water surface....

An abandoned dinghy

Have you seen a cotton tree before? Those banana-like entities are actually unripe cotton seeds.That's the cotton.

I saw a baby monkey in captivity. Chained to a tree. I guess it helps its master to pluck coconuts from the coconut trees.

Rejected

AZ called me that night.

AZ: I think I found your air-steward.

Joe: Oh really? How?

AZ: In my Friendster list. I didn't know he'd been there all the while. The one who looks Chinese, right?

Joe: Yeah yeah... Give me his ID. Quick!

AZ: I'll sms it you.

Joe: Wait...you're telling me he's in your Friendster list 2 months after I asked you to help me locate him?

AZ: Err...


Ever since the interesting encounter I had with Emmet, the charming air-steward, I'd always coveted the chance to befriend him or perhaps just meet him again. I thought it's pretty memorable. That's the first time in my life I knew my gaydar was functioning. The very first time a male stranger flirted with me non-orally... oh ..erm...I mean, non-verbally and made me feel attractive.

Thanks to AZ, I finally got his profile. My blood pressure shot up to 200 mm Hg when I recognized the guy on the screen and exclaimed, "That's him!"

I still remember the powerful energy which travelled in rhythmic waves from his eyes to mine, and vice-versa. I remember his angelic, radiant smile, which made my heart bloom with lust and joy. The gentle touch of his palm on my left shoulder, which made me fly. And his voice, which had a magical quality to it, that sent charges of electricity into me.

Yet, what shatters my heart now is that the message I sent him remains unreplied. It simply means he's not interested, doesn't it? I must have sounded a little too inappropriate when I wrote the message, during which I was blinded by excitement and elation, I suppose.

All of a sudden, I begin to doubt if our eye contact was merely a fantasy and his touch on my shoulder a tactile hallucination of mine. Perhaps, he smiled simply because he had too. Perhaps, I was really hallucinating. Perhaps, he's not even gay.

AZ asked me to forget about him. And I'm going to act upon his suggestion.

Why does everyone seem to have his own Prince Charming (especially one with a hot bod) to write about? Why? Sometimes, I really do wish I had one too. Really.

14/4/09

It's been a while, I guess. Spent a lot of time hunting for guys on Axcest and Planetromeo. Yet, all I can say is, my efforts weren't very fruitful. Heh. I did make couples of hot friends, though.

Planned to travel to Bangkok next month with a few friends. However, the recent upheaval in the capital has made us change our minds. Perhaps, we'll think of somewhere else to go.

My professional exam will be held on May 4. Time to be less desperate and study more.