I still get emotionally affected whenever I see him online and on Facebook.

God, please let me encounter someone whom I like and who likes me too.

It's pretty obvious that I'm only sexually attracted to him. There's no emotional component involved.

Maybe, he's not really my type. Maybe, I'm being blinded by lust and desperation. Maybe, it's not his soul that I like.

Perhaps, this is just a defense mechanism of mine to make myself feel better. But, whatever it is, time is all that's needed to to wipe away anything that's unhappy.

Cheer up, Darren! Get over him. It's not like no one's into you. Be less choosy. Someone better is waiting for you in the near future.

I finally got the guts to strike up a conversation wit Jacob on Facebook yesterday. I took a great deal of courage to do that.

But, it seems he's easier to approach than I iniatially thought. I'm glad we're cool and are on talking terms.

It's nice knowing him. Despite the fact we aren't mutually interested in each other, I don't think I should continue dwelling on self-pity and forgo the chance of befriending him.

Well, people get rejected all the time. So what if someone I like doesn't like me? Life still moves on and I am sure I'll have a crush on someone else in no time.

Cheer up, J. You deserve better. =)

Somehow, Jacob knew I was into him, I guess.

It seems I'm not his type. He asked Dan to convey the message to me. Dan comforted me and asked me not to feel bad.

I told him I was completely fine and it's no big deal.

However, I was lying. My heart ached. I felt so inferior and lonely all of a sudden. I didn't even have the mood to continue playing DotA.

But, life's like that. Most people don't always get what they want. And as for me, I never get what I want.

I'm nothing but a lovesick person with a fragile heart. Why do I always fall for guys who turn out to be straight or gay guys who never bother to take a second look at me?

Betrayed

Well well well... it seems that Faculty King's gay. KP's straight. And there's another gay among the UKM med students who took the first move to add me on Facebook. Let's call him Jacob. It doesn't take a genius to guess his intention, which was to see more of my pics to confirm my sexual preference. Yet, I was really shocked that he's gay. I mean, I wasn't even suspicious that he's gay. Now I know what the word 'straight-acting' means. On a closer look, he's kinda cute too.

To make matters worse, Dr. D told them I'm gay. Felt a bit betrayed as initially I thought he was on my side. And the fact that he told him I had a crush on them totally drove me crazy as that's not totally true and it made me sound like a desperate whore.

It seems that I'm not the only one with a functional gaydar. Should have been more cautious.

According to Dr. D, the duo were 99% sure I was gay before he revealed to them that I was. I was wondering if I was so obviously gay.

They're flying back to Malaysia in two days' time. Hopefully, I won't bump into them by then as I know I will feel extremely embarassed.

In the meantime, I feel sorry for the girls. Ahaks.