Organ donation

That cute, topless Indian guy beckoned me over.

And enthusiastically told me in fluent Mandarin that he wanted sign up for organ donation.

I was moved.

I don't know what it's like to experience years of recurrent severe headache with epistaxis and bilateral ear bleeding and vomiting as well as mild right-sided body weakness with sensory involvement.

Yes, he has a brain tumor. Planned for surgery next year which carries a high risk of post-operative memory loss and further neurological deficits.

And he's only 24. My age.

He said he wanted his organs to continue to live and prolong the lives of others after his death.

His courage and optimism touched the deepest part of my heart. I have a lot to learn from him.

Scrumptious McVet

We went to Frangipani the Friday night before last.

As I boarded the car, McVet handed two mooncakes to me.

I finished the mooncakes the following day.

I felt deeply touched while I was eating them. And I was truly happy.

I was on call during the Mid-Autumn Festival this year. And I hadn't had the time to go buy mooncakes as I was busy preparing for my viva exam.

And right after the festival, no one selling it anymore, apparently. Maybe, I don't know KL well enough to look for them. Was really disappointed and down. I've always been a fan of mooncakes. Ever since I was a kid. And I was thought it's extremely pathetic if one doesn't get to eat mooncakes during the festival.

The only mooncakes I'd eaten this year were from McVet.

How can you not fall for a guy, when he knows exactly what you want and desire?

Of course, I'm not falling for McVet. :) I mean I'm not supposed to. Because it ain't right, morally speaking.

It's my honour to meet you, McVet.

Work, again

My job is sort of a hectic one I guess. I work 7 days a week. Half days on weekends if I'm not on call. I've not applied for a single day of leave. Although Market Place is just 1.2 km away from where I stay, I've only been there once since I started working in June.

It's even worse when I was in the ward 23 in which the consultant would come at 7 am. This means I had to wake up at 5.30 am and punch in by 6 am. Just nice for me to review my patient before he arrived. 

Medicine was kinda frightening in the beginning.Yet, with the passing of time, you know what to do. You roughly know what's urgent and what's not. 

In the Malaysian hospital setting, there's such a word called 'jonah' which literally means bad luck. When people say you're jonah, it means that emergencies tend to happen more when you're on call. And yours truthfully is definitely someone well-known for my jonah-ness. 

I still remember there was once I had to attend to a lady with dengue fever with compensated shock and another woman in the same cubicle with massive lower GI bleed with impending shock simultaneously. And the thing I dislike most is having to attend to patients who need multiple immediate referrals at very ungodly hours. Because it means you won't get to sleep the whole night. 

Despite all the tension, there's joy. I've been working in the coronary rehabilitation ward for the past 1 week. I had a great learning experience. Got to see things like atrial flutter, ventricular bigemminy, sick sinus syndrome and ventricular tachycardia. There's once I did a carotid massage for my patient who developed supraventricular tachycardia (SVT) and it's thrilling to see on the cardiac monitor how it instantly disappeared.

Yes. It's very rewarding to be able to do good to your patients. Simple things like correction of potassium levels and rehydration in dengue fever. Nothing heroic. But, you will feel great because you know you have the ability to help people with your medical knowledge, albeit at the biochemical or cellular level which is not noticeable.

And did I mention about the hot and sweet registrar I've been working under for the past one week? Totally my type. And I even helped him punch in and out. Haha. Perhaps, part of my joy came from him.

Work

I'm working.

Yet, I don't feel like I'm working.

I feel as if I am medical student with many many responsibilities. The good thing is, I get paid.

Haha. However, it's kinda stressful to realize that now, whatever I do or decide, no matter how insignificant it appears to be, does affect my patients. 

Medicine is a unique a profession that involves a lot of sacrifice that other people may not be able to understand. Most of the time, you don't get to wait and see. Many things need to be attended to instantly or as soon as possible, depending of the level of severity, even if it means forgoing a meal or skipping a social function planned earlier.

Well, you'll be surprised how ungrateful certain patients can be.

In the first week of my career, I had two episodes of nervous breakdowns. I cried almost every night. I was physically drained due to the unbearably long tagging hours. And not to mention the culture shock that I, a small town boy, had to face in the city of Kuala Lumpur. 

Adjustment disorder? 

I was on the verge of falling into depression. But thanks God, I survived the most trying period. Never thought that I had that amount of determination and tenacity in me.

I'm fairly okay now, despite the terrible calls I've been having. 

I feel I've aged.

But, I don't feel like I'm working. I feel like I'm doing what I've been given the honour to do. With the limited ability to alter a disease process to a certain extent. Kinda fun. :)

Flirting in Mandarin

                                                            

   

Flirted with a chap on Grindr who apparently doesn't write English. Not even Manglish.

Hence, I had to flirt with him in Mandarin. Only then did I realize it's actually pretty difficult to sound lascivious in my mother tongue, when you remove the auditory, visual and tactile stimuli which are what sex is fundamentally all about. 

I wanted write the word 'horny' in Mandarin. But, I had a hard time thinking of the correct translation. 欲火焚身？No. Sounds too idiomatic. I wanted something dirtier. Something that'd sound more sexually arousing. And for heaven's sake, I didn't even know the informal term for 'cock' in Mandarin. 阳具？Nah. Sounds too academic.

Just when Lucifer Jr. was beginning to get a little aroused, I noticed he'd gone offline. Haha. Couldn't blame him for being a bitch. I guess I was just too slow in replying.

Time to watch more Taiwanese porn, perhaps.

On a separate note, what's your Grindr-ing experience like?

It's actually quite flattering sometimes to receive requests for sex, which sometimes contribute to my having the delusion that I'm hot. For people who often look at their naked selves in the mirror and sigh in exasperation and hopelessness like me, even that tiny bit of confidence is good enough. Occasionally, I may even sound egoistic and indifferent on purpose, just for the fun of it, unless they're really hot and so my type.

One rule I've discovered about Grindr is hot guys are never nice, and nice guys are usually not hot. Guess I'm somewhere in between? And sex, which's what Grindr's principally designed for in the in first place, is almost always an inevitable topic of conversation. 

Gotta be less demanding. Otherwise, I think I'll forever be doomed to suffer the agonizing wait for the appearance of Prince Charming  in my seemingly never-ending bachelorhood. Displaying  the nicest pic which I've got in my entire photo album with the fugly parts skilfully hidden no longer works its magic.

Little things

I'm seldom impressed by popular artists who can sell millions of copies for each of their album, unless they're really talented and extraordinary. No doubt, the songs may be awesome and they do serve their entertainment purposes. Nonetheless, no matter how good they are, it's just their occupation. The same goes for a chef who can cook the most delectable meal on earth or a pianist who can play Moonlight Sonata 3rd Movement flawlessly.

But, I have a soft spot for guys who surprise me with their latent talents, which may be decidedly ordinary but awe-inspiring.

Let's say you're kinda into this cute guy who also happens to be a bit muscular. And then one day, you visit his blog, only to realize he'd posted your most favourite sentimental love song that he dedicated specially to you. Not sure how you'll react. But, I'll definitely search high and low for the 'Marry Me' button.

I came across this interesting blog authored by Chinese Prick in which he recently dedicated a Chinese song to a certain someone. I almost had a semi-erection after listening to it. He ain't an internationally renowned singer. However, it was really touching with his guitar accompaniment in the background. His voice was melodious and resonant and it suited the lyric perfectly.

Click HERE if you wanna listen. (Just in case you dislike it, please don't say nasty things, ok? Coz if you do, I'm gonna dislike you.)

Got what I mean? It's these lil' things that melt my heart. Things like being invited to his house for a meal he cooks, which turns out to be quite palatable, and followed by a session of passionate love-making. Things like receiving a cup Cuppuccino when you're exhausted and least expect it.

I got so hyped up last night and decided to send a certain someone my incomplete, rudimentary and out-of-tune version of Lady Gaga's Born This Way in the form of an audio note over Whatsapp. I had to sing it an octave lower. Surprisingly, I received a pretty nice feedback. Hahaha. He must have been too kind with his words!

Right now, I wish someone could sing me Bruno Mars' Just The Way You Are. *stares at Tuls*

Eager to work

Inexplicably, for the time being, I actually look forward to working. Not sure if it's because of the boredom that's slowly devouring me from the inside or the lack of social life in my hometown.

So, in a few weeks' time, I'll be called for the induction programme, after which I'll start working as a house officer ie. junior doctor, an uphill battle nothing in med school could really prepare me for. Frankly, I didn't graduate from a very prestigious institution. Will I still need to face the occasional jeerings and  blatant discrimination which I've been silently enduring?

Sometimes, you know that the derision or scoffing are not directed at you. But, you still feel the ginormous effect stemming from it. It takes away all your confidence and self-esteem. Ah! If only I was born with a silver spoon in the mouth. Yet, on a positive note, it makes you stronger. In fact, I believe that there'll come a day in future when I can proudly redeem myself and allay their doubts about my competency. 

What's more, rumour has it that compassion and a good attitude are qualities that come first before knowledge. Though I'm not sure what 'good' actually encompasses, I needn't worry much I guess. 

Maybe, I should just keep an open mind and venture into the profession which has partially lost the prestige and nobility it used to have. Having said that, it's still going to be a whole new world with a million things to learn, explore and experience.  And I'll meet new people, make new friends and perhaps, a gay neurosurgeon  destined to fall head over heels for me. Just a joke. But, you never know. And I wonder if the stories of gay housemen banging each other while on-call at night are true. 

Whatever it is, I'm expecting a weight loss of 5 kg in the first month of housemanship and a working environment akin to the gay version of Grey's Anatomy. And I hope I won't become the kind of doctor I don't want myself to be - a doctor devoid of compassion and who denigrates patients behind their backs.