I'm not sure if I have the capability to love.
I don't really know what I actually want. Or perhaps, I'm always in a pursuit of something that only exists in fantasy. A fact about myself that I'm afraid is true.
I used to think that I was some morally high individual who wouldn't get involved in any sex without love. I would always fantasize of being in a scenario that would involve my having sex with a gorgeous guy and getting dumped by him the following morning. And I'd attempt all sort of tricks to win his heart back only to be rejected in the end.
Ironically, now, I'm the person who gives the other party a cold shoulder after making out. I'm the morally eroded bitch who keeps on rejecting sweet guys who treat me so nice.
God gave me a punishment for being merciless. I've never really met someone with whom I have mutual feelings and near-complete compatibility. There's always something wrong. Either I don't quite like the guy or the guy doesn't quite like me.
I understand ur feeling...really,i do...
ReplyDeleteso after blaming yourself please improve then,seriously i view you as someone unfriendly,cold, unapproachable and very shallow.other people might think the same as well....
ReplyDeletesorry i have to tell you directly for you to improve,no offense.
Give it time. Get to know people around u. Most people put up fronts
ReplyDeletein the beginning.
Heyo, dropped by here for the first time! Nice reading your blog! :)
ReplyDeleteSo you're doing housemanship in KL now? Im still in my 3rd year. XD
Think when it comes to a point if you do find someone with mutual feelings and compatibility. It may not work out either. (Okay, maybe i'm just bitter :P) How are you? ;)
ReplyDelete