Perhaps...perhaps...

I'll be spending the next 7 weeks in a town called Sandakan. I, together with 23 other students, have been arranged to do our surgery posting there.

Heard that we'll be staying in the nurses' dorm. And doubt we'll have internet access. Which means, I won't be blogging much.

We'll be setting off in a few hours' time. It's going to be a new environment. Naturally, as usual, I'm a little neurotic and am sleepless.

Lately, a friend of mine just came out to his parents who're devastated (I suppose) and unable to come to terms with their son's sexuality. Many things surfaced in my mind. I thought about the gay websites I visited that my dad found out. 3 years ago. They talked to me about it....in a rather nonchalant manner. I played dumb, of course.

I think they know it. I can tell.

My dad has never asked me why I haven't got a girlfriend. He knows it, I guess. Perhaps, he understands. On the other hand, my mom is in a stage what I'd refer to as denial. She never stops worrying about my not having a girlfriend yet.

Sometimes, I wish I were straight. Yet, guys are so beautiful. So irresistible. So appealing. So appetizing. There's nothing on earth I'd exchange for my preference for guys.

Or perhaps, my parents are still not yet aware of my being gay. Ignorant of the many typical gay characteristics I display in my behaviour. Oblivious to the fact that I like guys.

Perhaps, I'm being too apprehensive.

Perhaps...