Confession of a gay son

“Mummy!! The bus has arrived!!”

“Okay, okay. Wait a minute!”

Suddenly, I heard a loud thud and subsequently a high-pitch scream of pain. The moment I looked back, she’d already stood up, with fresh blood oozing out profusely from her injured knees. Enduring the crippling pain, she hastily rushed towards me, grabbed my hand and walked me to the bus on the other side of the road. I was stunned and in a complete daze.

“Are you okay?” I muttered to her apologetically.

She remained silent as she waved farewell to me and tried to put on a rather bogus smile that failed to convey the message that everything was fine.

As I watched her trudge back to the house from the window, a swell of sympathy washed over me, gripping me in a sudden agony of utter remorse and sorrow. An overpowering wave of stabbing pain jolted through my heart. Meanwhile, I could vividly feel how unconditional and immeasurable a mother’s love for her son can be. Despite the fact that it transcended my understanding as a 5-year-old boy, the particular incident was permanently etched in my mind.

It staggers me how rapidly time has flown.

I miss shopping with her during my childhood. I miss the days when she’d force me to complete my homework before allowing me to play with the kids in the neighbourhood. I miss the days when she’d stealthily wash the unbearably smelly purple pillow (which emitted a scent I found very exquisite and refreshing) that I carried with me almost all the time. I miss the days when I’d excitedly say “ Mi Mi nite nite!” to swap for a goodnight kiss on my forehead. I miss the days when she’d serve me with the most fattening and tantalizing food after coaxing me into controlling my diet and losing weight. A ridiculous irony. I miss the infuriation which painted her face when I enthusiastically described to her the content of a porn movie that I’d watched with my friends. And that was before I got to know what sex was all about.

I share many things with my mom. Except the fact that I’m hopelessly into guys.

Mummy, on this extraordinary day, I’d like to wish you a happy birthday. Thank you for giving me a fabulous childhood and adolescence. Thank you for the love and care you've shown to me in spite of my occasional disobedience and mischief. I’ve always prided myself on having a such a sophisticated mom without whom my life would be incomplete. I'm standing where I am now, chiefly because of the strength you’ve generously offered.

But sorry, for being gay. Sorry, for I’ve sinned.