Having my own children?

I was in an infertility clinic run by Dr. C the other day. She's a consultant obstetrician and gynaecologist who mainly sees subfertile couples.

My colleague and I stood aside with trepidation and jittery feet, anticipating the onslaught of questions on subfertility and assisted conception by Dr. C. It's the first day of our posting. And I'd not studied anything about the vagina and uterus before classes resumed after our year break. We're already in final year. Blurting out answers which made us look idiotic was the last thing we wanted.

As the hours crawled by, we became more relaxed. Surprisingly, she's not as ferocious as we thought. In fact, she's quite easy on us. As she saw her patients, she patiently taught us about the management of subfertility, intrauterine insemination, in-vitro fertilization, ovulatory drugs and so on.

I saw couples who're overwhelmed with joy when they could eventually have a baby. And the woeful faces of women with polycystic ovarian syndrome (PCOS) who've made every endeavour to conceive but to no avail.

Apart from being distracted by some of the F.I.L.F (fathers I'd like to f**k) occasionally, my mind uncontrollably strayed into the possibilities of my fathering a kid too. One with my own genetic imprint.

One of greatest drawbacks of being gay is you can't have your own kids. Nonetheless, I really wish I could have my own children, ideally a son and a daughter, after I've established my own career and become financially stable in future. The urge intensifies whenever I play with my nephew and niece, especially when they call me 舅舅 (uncle) and give me a peck on my cheek.

It'd be very infantile of me to say that I've made my decision before having taken the issues surrounding it into consideration, such as societal perception, the cost that would be incurred as well as the impact of gay parents on the mental and social wellbeing of their kids. And who's going to be the egg donor? Will my future boyfriend be up for such a feat?  What's more, in-vitro fertilization and gestational surrogacy are definitely not cheap. Ricky Martin is one of the very few gays who've opted for this, I reckon.

At a stage where I haven't completed my undergraduate studies, it's premature to talk about raising kids and parenting. And hey, I don't even have a boyfriend yet. Although I'm not sure how much tenacity and sacrifices it'll entail, it's a dream I hope I can realize. Or is adoption a better option?